The Leaky Pipe
Great moments in building history: It sounds so realistic!
As landlord to some 15 tenants in the five old houses I own, I am used to being called for various problems. Many of the calls come, as you’d expect, late at night when I arrive home from a pleasant evening and make the mistake of checking the answering machine, and the vast majority come on weekends and holidays, which complicates matters even more.
Usually it is the nervous types who call, the ones who panic at every irregularity and find the simplest matter a cause for major alarm. I tell them not to worry and assure them that it will be seen to first thing in the morning, on Monday, or right after the holiday, unless it is something I can fix immediately or an emergency that will not wait.
I was taken by surprise, however, when late in the day on a Thursday nowhere near a holiday, I got a panicked call from Susan, the tenant who lives in a tiny loft apartment in my house. She is a genteel woman of unshakable calm and as comfortable with the quirks of an old house as a longtime realestate agent can be. For the first time in the 15 years I’d known her, her voice was edged with anxiety when she called.
“Bill,” she said, trying to sound calm, “there’s a terrible gurgling noise in my pipes. It has been going on for a while, and I can’t find what’s wrong, but it’s loud and sounds serious. Can you come right up?”
Due for an impending meeting, I told myself it was nothing and that I’d solve the problem in a few minutes. When I got to her apartment, I quickly realized why she was so stressed. The sound was loud and constant, and seemed to have no definite source. I looked under both sinks and listened at the corner where I know the plumbing chase runs in the wall, but the sound wasn’t clearly defined anywhere. I had never heard such a sound in any plumbing system. But the plumbing was old, and I had always been a bit suspicious about the workmanship of what had been done before I bought the house.
I went to the basement. There was no water anywhere, nor could I hear the sound. I called Susan on the phone and had her flush toilets in her apartment and mine, but everything ran freely. Could the stack be obstructed by an animal that had become trapped and was rotting? Would sewer gases bubble up through and make that sound if it were the case? Although it was now dark, I took a ladder, climbed onto the roof three stories from the ground, and listened at each of the vent stacks to see if I could learn something there. My flashlight picked up nothing, and there was only the warm, moist air drifting up.
At that point, I needed to leave for my meeting. I could see Susan was still upset, but I assured her everything was fine. She didn’t agree and told me what she was going to do.
“I will call a plumber,” she declared. “I have to find out what’s wrong.”
When I got home, I checked my answering machine but saw no blinking lights. The next morning, my phone rang.
“Hi, Bill,” said Susan in her quiet voice. “I thought you’d like to know about the water sound.” I waited, not sure that I did want to hear, but she didn’t seem upset.
“Well,” she said in a tone that was now starting to sound chagrined, “I called the plumber and he came and…don’t worry, I’ll pay the bill.”
Finally, I had to know. I said, “What was the problem?”
Hesitating again, she said, “We looked around for almost an hour and couldn’t find anything, so he left. I decided to do some work on my computer and…then, well, you know the other day I had someone in to work on the computer, and he fixed lots of problems and then he did me this nice favor without telling me. He installed a screen saver, and when it comes on, there is this neat, constantly changing image of pipes, and they make really realistic sounds, too.…Don’t worry. I’ll pay the plumber, and I really appreciate your climbing onto the roof and all.”
“No problem,” I said, trying to sound relieved and not let the laughter bubble up, “that’s fine. I’m just glad there’s nothing really wrong.”
Drawing by: Jim Meehan
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