Replies

1. 
   Boss_Hog | Dec 27, 2001 05:59pm | #1

   *
   Somethings's been bugging me, and I figured it was time to get it off my chest.

   The other night my Wife walked into our Son's bedroom while he was changing clothes. Naturally, he quickly covered himself up. She said: "Oh, what are you doing that for - I used to change your diaper and saw you naked plenty of times". I can remember getting the same speech from my Mom, and hearing other Moms say it to or about their kids.

   So I got to thinking - I babysat one of my cousins quite a few times when she was little. Since I changed her diaper and saw her naked, is it O.K. if I see her naked now? She's 25 years old, cute, and a nurse. Whaddaya think?

   Obviously that's ludicrous. No way are any of you gonna think it's O.K. to think it's O.K. to see a 25 year old girl naked just because I changed her diaper. (Neither do I) So why is it O.K. for a Mom to invade their Son's privacy whenever she feels like it? I think the kids deserve more respect than that.

   And yes, I have talked to my Wife about it. (More like argued maybe)

1. 
   AnnL_ | Dec 27, 2001 06:11pm | #2

   *I'm with you, Ron. I don't think that's right. Everyone has a right to privacy and respect. A child's room needs to be his safe place and parents should respect that. If you treat your children with respect, they will, in turn, respect you and others. What goes around, comes around.

1. 
   James_DuHamel | Dec 27, 2001 06:23pm | #3

   *A lock on the bedroom door would cure that.I have never lived in a house that didn't have locks on the bedroom doors, and having 2 sisters and a mom, my brother and I used those locks when getting dressed. Of course, after I got old enough, mom didn't walk in on us, but my sisters would have just for the shock value (to us AND them).James Duhamel

1. 
   Tesaje_ | Dec 27, 2001 07:19pm | #4

   *I also think you are right, Ron. My mother raised 5 boys and by the time they were old enough to be embarrassed, she respected their need for privacy as she did mine. She never said anything like that - not even to me or my sister. When puberty hits, the diaper thing doesn't apply anymore. You are asking for trouble with that kind of invasion of privacy. It could even be called sexual harrassment and inappropriate parental sexuality towards the child - regardless of the sex of the child - boy or girl doesn't matter.Mary

1. 
   Lisa_Long | Dec 27, 2001 08:38pm | #5

   *I'm with you too - soon as my boys gained a sense of modesty I have been careful to respect it. It's a normal part of development and parents need to acknowledge that their kids are growing up.

2. 
   Cami_A | Dec 27, 2001 09:05pm | #6

   *Gotta agree with you, Ron. I bet your wife wouldn't think it's ok for b herdad to walk in on her...

3. 
   SandraM | Dec 27, 2001 10:23pm | #7

   *And me. Privacy is sacred in our house.

4. 
   Cloud_Hidden | Dec 27, 2001 10:53pm | #8

   *If you want to turn privacy on it's head, take a 4 yo girl (my daughter--nothing perverted) into a men's room in a store or airport or something. Boy, NO ONE'S comfortable, but whatcha gonna do? And then Meili always has to say loudly, "Oh man, it smells AWFUL in here!"At the mall two weeks ago, she hadda go, and I musta been thinking, she's a girl, so head to the ladies' room. I got halfway in before realizing the stupidity. Luckily no one saw.I also remember changing at the YMCA one day when a guy walks in with his at least 6 yo daughter. Eek. There's gotta be a limit, but conversely, I don't think I'd want my dau at 6 to be alone in a women's locker room.

5. 
   kai_ | Dec 28, 2001 12:31am | #9

   *i by the time they were old enough to be embarrassed, she respected their need for privacyExactly!Ron, how old is your son?

6. 
   Theodora_D. | Dec 28, 2001 01:02am | #10

   *I agree with the consensus here. It is not OK. And if you are driven, or your son is driven, to put a lock on the door, then that can create its own set of problems. Mom should know, a closed door...and she must knock and wait for permission. To just go in and use that justification to invade his privacy is very very controlling and demeaning. Better he should learn that his mom respects him, and he can trust her if he ever needs to talk over anything really personal with her, than she be so obtrusive. I would feel like my parent was prying. A little respect and trust on her part now will pay dividends in the long run.

7. 
   RuthAnn | Dec 28, 2001 01:28am | #11

   *I agree with the opinion here. If son feels need for privacy, she needs to respect it. A closed door should be knocked upon. Would she allow him to see her naked with the justification that he came out of "there" why shouldn't he also get a look at it??!Our two year old is not shy by any means - but we're in the midst of potty training, and often after I seat her on the potty, she'll say "Go 'way, Mommy!" I tell her to let me know when she's finished, and I leave the bathroom. I don't shut the door all the way, and I wait outside the door. In a moment or two, I usually hear "I DID it!!!" and she happily runs out, bare-assed, to get me. This way she learns she can have privacy on the potty, and in turn, learns WE need some privacy on the potty too.

8. 
   Boss_Hog | Dec 28, 2001 02:43am | #12

   *I have 2 boys, kai - one is 10 and the other is 12. We live in a small house so they have to share a room. I don't think a lock would work, as they'd be locking each other out all the time. (They fight quite a bit)

9. 
   kai_ | Dec 28, 2001 03:15am | #13

   *Well, at age ten I certainly demanded my privacy. Maybe it's different w/boys. I was actually quite private far before that. Your DW needs to accept that her sons are verging on adolescence . . . perhaps you need to take a larger role here? Or perhaps your sons can figure out what to do to keep Mom out (keep room clean, etc.)?

10. 
    Rich_Beckman | Dec 28, 2001 04:56am | #14

    *Your wife is wrong. A child is entitled to privacy as soon as they think they are entitled to privacy. By ignoring the child's desire for privacy, she is laying the groundwork for future difficulties in the relationship.My wife agrees with me.Rich Beckman

11. 
    Bob_Walker | Dec 28, 2001 06:10am | #15

    *Boss,Your wife is right. b Wives are always right. Just think of the wear and tear on the house you'll save if you take all of the doors out. Start with i your bedroom door!Whatever you do, don't show her this thread, or you'll have (i) blown you new non de net and (ii) taken a serious risk with where you'll be sleeping for the foreseeable future.Because she is right, as are of the the respondents here, as well, I suggest packing the boy off to boarding school.

12. 
    Theodora_D. | Dec 28, 2001 06:19am | #16

    *Bob, why hasn't anyone ever told me about that "wives are always right" thing? I wish I had known.

13. 
    piffin_ | Dec 28, 2001 06:45am | #17

    *Theodora D,That's because you've never had a wife. Ifn you had've, you'd know!LOL

14. 
    Daniel_Dunn | Dec 28, 2001 03:15pm | #18

    *Isn't that the truth

15. 
    Boss_Hog | Dec 28, 2001 03:47pm | #19

    *kai -I think we've got it solved in our house. I was just kinda blowing off steam over what I see as an ioncorrect attitude.

16. 
    Boss_Hog | Dec 28, 2001 03:59pm | #20

    *Actually, Bob, there was no door on our bedroom when we bought our current house. Wasn't any big deal until the kids got a bit older. After a couple of embarassing incidents, we finally got one put on. Took a while to find a door that matched up with the old woodwork. Check out this thread: Boss Hog "Interruption stories" 4/29/01 7:17am

17. 
    Bob_Walker | Dec 28, 2001 04:06pm | #21

    *Ah, yes, I'd forgotten that great story. I sometimes wonder whether my then young daughter bought my "we were ticking each other" story I produced in a similar situation

18. 
    Ryan_C | Dec 28, 2001 04:27pm | #22

    *My daughter turned two a couple of months ago.Every morning I get up and take a shower. Then I go back to my room to get dressed. Every morning, my two year old comes to the bedroom door and knocks and asks if she can come in. We taught her this because I'm not ready to explain why daddy has parts that mommy's missing yet.But if I expect her to respect my space, I've got to respect hers.

19. 
    Ron_Teti | Dec 28, 2001 08:12pm | #23

    *Ryan,im in the same boat.I have 2 daughters one is 4 and the other is turning 3 next month. Ive been trying to teach them not to come into the bathroom/bedroom when I am showering, doing my business and changing my clothes. Im going to have put a lock on my bedroom door (after I change the door, yea piffin still doing doors :) ) But I got to teach them.

20. 
    Boss_Hog | Dec 28, 2001 09:26pm | #24

    *I envy you, Ron. I really wanted to have a girl, but we didn't. They sure are neat at that age. If the wife gets pregnant now it will be the mailman's, as I've had the big "V".

21. 
    piffin_ | Dec 29, 2001 03:14am | #25

    *Boss, miraclews do happen sometimes.Ron, The doors would be on if Mark C weren't keeping you all tied up about witnesses. LOLIt's strange reading this thread. I grew up in a house with doors that were non-existent or didn't work except on the bathroom which didn't have a lock. I had four brothers and no sisters but never remember privacy being an issue for us or Mom. My house now has most doors open except to keep the dogs out of a room but nobody ever sees another privates unwanted or enters without permission. Just never remember it being a big deal or teaching anything special but we all respect one another. Even the eskimos in an igloo maintain a version of privacy. I agree with you Boss Hog, Mama Hog needs to back off!

22. 
    kai_ | Dec 29, 2001 04:11am | #26

    *Well, I hope you have it solved, Ron! Maybe you just needed to show someone who's the Boss Hog? Seriously, I was in a similar position w/my Father one day, and have never forgotten it. A child inherently understands when an adult oversteps the privacy boundary, even if using their bigger stature to pull a power play.

23. 
    splintergroupie_ | Dec 29, 2001 04:30am | #27

    *i Just never remember it being a big deal or teaching anything special but we all respect one another.I was thinking something similar, that respecting personal privacy is only a manifestation of respect observed in the larger milieu. On the other hand, a great deal is made of the "sin" of nakedness... something about an apple, reptiles...?

24. 
    piffin_ | Dec 30, 2001 01:21am | #28

    *Splintie,It wasn't nakedness that was a sin. It was that the greater "knowledge" they took from the serpent made them aware of their nakedness. In other words, shame follows guilt. The sin was disobedience and rebellion against God, when they chose to believe the devil's lie instaed of The Word of their creator.

25. 
    splintergroupie_ | Dec 30, 2001 03:46am | #29

    *I imagine an earthly father-figure demanding obedience instead of encouraging knowledge...and i get a vision of David Koresh.

26. 
    piffin_ | Dec 30, 2001 04:32am | #30

    *God is a heavenly creator figure of a stature that we can't even begin to imagine. Remember that the biblical sense of "to know" connotates very intimate relationships. The deil promised that they would be as gods, KNOWING both good and evil.Now who really wants an intimate relationship with evil? I'd prefer to just KNOW good!We're on the verge of going Gothic here.

2. 
   Boss_Hog | Dec 30, 2001 04:32am | #31

   *
   I'll cover it in the first post.