How do you old timers deal with or have dealt with stress over the years. You know- Family, finances, clients, subs not showing up, and etc. I’m not saying you guys are old, Maybe you have some wisdom you can hand out on this subject.
Thanks, Lou
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"This to, shall pass."
The Stress Oracle
"This to, shall pass."
By golly, a 3rd thing we agree on!
Haveto think of the turnaround 2 years from now after your folks have REALLY made a mess of things <G> A little stress between now and then on where to hide my 401K <G again, or maybe not>
As to the original question, it is all in the planning. If one has planned and taken every contingency thought of into account, stress is avoided --- treat negative events as a learning experience, I've sure had plenty.
Experience at having 'survived' (both literally and figuratively) helps a lot. Giving a seminar at a professional conference today, then need to catch a plane to DC and more presentations to folks who know how to ask hard questions. 30 years ago would have been fretfull, but now just go with the flow.
3 shots of rum does help sleep on airplanes.
Geez, a drunken motivational speaker. ;-)
Didn't I see you on SNL with those big horn-rimmed glasses, falling on a table...years ago?
The way I try to deal with it is to eliminate (as much as possible) the cause.
Track your finances regularly so there's fewer surprises.
Family? tough one there. Communication certainly helps.
Subs-get ones that do show up, clean up and don't #### up.
After the stress arrives it's a little late. Sure, you can go drink a six pack to eliminate it-but it'll be there when you sober up.
A Great Place for Information, Comraderie, and a Sucker Punch.
Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City.
http://www.quittintime.com/
#1: Don't worry about what you can't change.
#2: Know when to cut your losses.
Self medication.
http://www.quittintime.com/ View Image
Badly......
Three things -
* Find the strength to change the things that you can't accept.
* Learn to accept the things that you can't change.
* Be wise enough to recognize the difference.
I don't know if it qualifies as properly aged advice but the biggest stress reliever for me is to drop the blame game and take personal responsibility for a solution to whatever is bugging me at the moment. I can only control one person in the world - ME - so I try to concentrate on solving the part of the problem I've caused. Do this honestly and nine times out of ten, the other idiots will line up and contribute to the solution too.
Good point. Drop the blame game. It raises your BP without really helping anything. Fix what you have control over, learn from your mistakes, but otherwise let the past be in the past.
Conscience is the still, small voice which tells a candidate that what he is doing is likely to lose him votes. --Anonymous
what, me worry ?
i try to schedule stress for slow times when i can nap
cause i need to nap during the day... when i've been up all night tossing and turning
one thing i try to do... don't make things worse
when the agrieved party gets in our face... don't react with hostility
listen to the grievance.. think about what you can do / say to defuse the situation... make sure you let out as much slack as you can before you cut the rope
some times ... i f you let the dog go to sleep.... you can let sleeping dogs lie
if it's business or contracting... i have a
mandatory arbitration clause in my contracts
hey , lou.. how's that wonderful family of yours ?
Hey Mike, The family's very well! and YOU Thanks for asking.
Dads just coming apart at the seams. Working on a medical fitout for 5 (Female) Docs!!! Great job, but They are getting in the way too much. Whenever a decision has to be made it becomes a major to do process. I have 26 change orders in the first three weeks of a 5 month job. I hired an assistant this week by my wifes recommendation. It should help.
Lou C
p.s. posting some recent pics of boys in tavern
Oh, try to avoid TV. Just for a while.
You might be surprised.
Hey Mike, how does your abitration clause work? I don't have this in my contract, though I've heard the term dropped here and there. What sort of wording do you use?
we use the American Abitration Association clause....i'll look up the wording at the officeMike Hussein Smith Rhode Island : Design / Build / Repair / Restore
Stay away from here
I hate to say this but I gave that a shot and you are 100% right, it's very therapeutic. A little boring now and then, but very therapeutic.
lol
Medical Merrywanna.
Plan, plan, plan around the possible stressmakers and eliminate them.
After that,
Working out helps a lot, I go on long bike rides when I am stressed, even in winter, and I can blow off some steam and not think about cr@p for awhile. I have a sub who spars and he is a very calm guy, almost zen-like, even under high stress situations.
Volunteer to help people worse off than you, it kind of puts everything in perspective, and gives you something to be proud of.
And finally a good night's rest helps stress a lot, if you can't sleep the stress can get worse with bad or slowed thought processes and decision-making. Don't stay up all night worrying about what you have to do, the problems will still be there in the morning. The workouts help sleep come easier but if you still can't get to sleep, I find a double jack on the rocks helps me during those times.
-Day
I think it's possible to over-plan. Rather than planning for every foreseeable outcome it's better to design in flexibility and what I like to call "robustness", so last-minute changes and SNAFUs don't propagate. It's kind of like cutting stress-relief slots into concrete so that the inevitable cracks occur where you want them, and don't propagate.
Conscience is the still, small voice which tells a candidate that what he is doing is likely to lose him votes. --Anonymous
The Serenity Prayer:"God, I hope I'll never need these ...."
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So as you might have guessed I try to handle stress with lame attempts at humor.
Jeff ;o)
Edited 11/11/2008 8:37 am ET by Jeff_Clarke
ok....
caught between a chuckle, a guffaw..... and...
wow... how close to the truth is that ?good one...laughter is the best stress reducerMike Hussein Smith Rhode Island : Design / Build / Repair / Restore
caught between a chuckle, a guffaw..... and...
does a little pee slip out when that happens?http://www.quittintime.com/ View Image
ROAR!!! Uh.... apparently, yes... 'Scuse me, back in a jiff.
That was funny.
"handle stress with lame attempts at humor."One of the best methods there is. A great way to stay sane in the midst of it all.For me, humor has become one of the standards by which I measure a person. Twenty some years ago, I noticed that of the series of people I had known in my life up until then had certain characteristics in common - different list for the people who had been true and a different list for the characters who had turned out to have major flaws as human beings`2 and to have been untrustworthy.Top of the list was that those who were the worst had no sense of humour and those who were the healthiest all around good people, and healthy to be with, were those with a good sense of humour.when I was a reserve cop, I saw a lot of cops and learned there too, that the guys who could handle all that sort of stress long enough to make a career out of it, and keep a family together were those with good humour.
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
I've found there's very little a 10 mile run can't cure.
Runnerguy
lou... i started plying golf when i turned 50
i play every wednesday afternoon during the season... and every sunday all year
it's a great game that gives you a light workout..... and really gets your head out of your troublesMike Hussein Smith Rhode Island : Design / Build / Repair / Restore
A broken leg comes to mind...
I doubt that it'd cure my bad knees.
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --John Kenneth Galbraith
Scotch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sbqIyeed4g&feature=related
There you are.http://www.quittintime.com/ View Image
It's getting cold outside.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sbqIyeed4g&feature=related
Put clothes on before you go out...
A while back I came to the realization that the majority of life's most vexing situations can be solved with these three items: a white bucktail, a sharp knife, or a 12ga shotgun. Explosives take care of the rest.
YMMV
The awful thing is that beauty is mysterious as well as terrible. God and the devil are fighting there, and the battlefield is the heart of man.
- Fyodor Dostoyevski
I look at the chip in my pocket, which has the Serenity Prayer on it:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
I also meditate 30 minutes every day.......the only "medication" that really works for me now. Well, that and asprin!
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
Actually, alcohol - IN MODERATION.
Not neccessarily right for everyone, of course.
Reading is another good one for me - take my mind to England, for a murder mystery. Nothing like Arch Digest or Hot Rod that makes my mind burn with ideas.
Forrest
I watch my breathing, when I get all cranked up on a worry spiral I start holding my breath subconsciously and breathing erratically. when that happens I just take a really deep breath and then take it a little deeper and breath out slowely
Seems to get me back to an even keel.
------------------
"You cannot work hard enough to make up for a sloppy estimate."
For me, when my heart rate gets too high, it helps to hold my breath for about 15 seconds, then let it out slowly.
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --John Kenneth Galbraith
Always vote for every republican on the ticket.
Never say anything bad about a person untill you have walked a mile in his shoes, by then you will be a mile away from him and you will have his shoes.
Face the things head on and decide whether it's your responsibility or not. Jettison any that is not.
I find aerobic exercise helps. These days I'm into swimming.
Reading & losing yourself into a good book, preferably fiction. Stay away from the non-fiction subjects that like to get you riled.
Delegate.
Talk about it & ask others....just like you're doing now. It's nice to know you're not a stranger in this world.
"In the night my father came to me and held me to his chest.
He said, there's not much more that you can do....go on home,
and get some rest." Paul simon
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Mike
Small wheel turn by the fire and rod, big wheel turn by the grace of god.
Lou, seems most replies were light hearted. About 5 yeasr ago I had a serious bout with insomnia that was brought on by stress. I thought there was no solution and was ready to give up.
I ended up taking a Mindfullness course that really changed my perspective, allowing me to relax a bit more. Daily meditation might seem "strange" but it is pretty easy to adapt it into one's life. It has worked for me.
http://www.umassmed.edu/Content.aspx?id=41254&linkidentifier=id&itemid=41254
Mike
Small wheel turn by the fire and rod, big wheel turn by the grace of god.
OK, if you want to get serious, folks should keep in mind that "stress" can often be severe depression. If you're feeling stress it doesn't hurt to search out a self test (Google "depression self test") and see if the shoe fits.In other cases "stress" can be a medical problem, especially if you're experiencing physical symptoms like severe muscle aches or upset stomach. So get a checkup, and maybe do a web search based on your symptoms to see if you can find a physical cause.
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --John Kenneth Galbraith
Yeah - along with the afore-mentioned careful use of alcohol, there's some Wellbutrin and Zoloft in there, too.
Forrest
What is it Homer Simpson says? Beer. The cause of and solution to all life's problems.
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Edited 11/12/2008 12:19 pm ET by seeyou
interesting Mike. I'm in NJ is there anything around here
thanks Lou C
You would have to research to find out if there is something in your area. I took mine through my HMO, and I think they are usually connected to a medical facility.
I agree with something Piffin said, a change in perspective is what I experienced after taking the course I took. Hard to explain, but it was "life changing" in a way and I can now also see or feel when I am starting to stress way before it becomes a problem. That gives me options to deal with the situation.
I have found that nearly all of my stress is created by myself, in my little lizard brain. ; ^ )
As others have said, any excercise is a help ( for myself ) also. Mike
Small wheel turn by the fire and rod, big wheel turn by the grace of god.
Lou,
I hope I don't end up writing too much about this topic-------
but-----
I find stress in my life will generally come from one of 4 areas----and they are usually inter-related. The solution to stress in one area will usually come from some accomodation in an other area Weather, Time, Money, Peoplealmost always having enough of a cushion of time and/or money will disolve any weather/people stresses.
with people-it's important to remember THEIR problems are not YOUR problems. Some people are EXPERTS atdumping THEIR problems onto YOU.
Ruffmike mentioned Mindfullness. You are in New Jersey.--Almost certainley there will be a number of Zen centers in the NewJersey,NewYork area that will have classes/programs teaching meditiation techniques. Don't worry about getting mixed up in a lot of wacky"out there" religous mumbo jumbo, LOL.- It's pretty mainstream now---and you will meet a lot of people from various Judeo/Christian backgrounds.
Over all--it will help you to slow down--and add the cushion of time into your day. At first you will have to concentrate---but eventually it will become second nature. I am usually asleep by 9:30 PM---and I often get up by 5:00 AM.-- that gives me TIME to walk the dog( soon to be dogs) read 2 newspapers, make a good breakfast and often spend some time in the garden before I head to work. when at work--- I maintain a clearly defined goal for the day--and I severely limmit outside distractions. One outside distraction is the cel phone--- Basically my wife,my 2 sons,one supplier, and whover current employees are have my celphone number- I never give it to customers or prospective customers. I can easily go weeks without my celphone ringing and I am much more likely to use it for outgoing calls than to ever recieve incoming calls. Generally I try to limmit ALL phonecalls for the day to around 6:30-7:30 PM.that schedule is feasible for me--if it wasn't I would probably make a schedule where I spent a few minutes at 10:30,1:00 and 3:00 each day handling calls---at any rate--limmiting outside distractions---allows me to focus,improve productivity-and increases my cushion of time/money.If Rain is likely---then I will not work that day.--to me-it would be stressfull to have to shift gears and fill in with a more suitable,less weather sensitive projectI guess the biggest thing over-all--is consciously working that cushion of time into your day3 other things1) food--if you actually get inso some form of "mindfullness"--one thing you will quickly notice is that food will play a big role in this. If I am stressed I make bad nutritional choices-- I will gravitate towards meat/potatoes--with an emphasis on Meat. I notice a lot of meat makes me feel bloated,aggressive,irritable,cranky,sluggish. On the otherhand----consciously increasing vegatables,fruits and wholegrains(especially whole grains0 will make me waaaay more mellow. Brown rice pudding or whole grain pancakes and the TIME to enjoy them over a newspaper is a calming way to start the day2) alcohol-- maybe it's just me--but the older I get the less usefull alcohol is for me.-at 46 I am down to maybe one beer once or twice a week-- 2 beers and I am out like a light3) exercise---others people have mentioned this as well.--personally---during the work season I schedule about a 3 hour bike ride each sunday morning as close to dawn as I can make it----and during the work week I aim for 4 or more 1-1/2 hour rides in the evening.- during my off-season I will work in as many 2 hours rides as the weather will let me fit in.-Getting that ride in during the offseason is often my big accomplishment for the day---I don't much care how cold it is,if it is dry--and I kind of enjuy riding in a drizzle.--during the work season I try to ride about 90 minutes off road---it takes about 30 minutes of riding to shut my mind off and then I can kind of letgo for an hour safely-not having to worry about trafficI hope at least some part of this will help you,
best wishes ,
Stephen
Be the cause and not the effect.
I walk three miles aday, every day, rain sleet, snow, ok no snow, midnight, every day. weekends 6 miles a day i average about 40 miles a week on sneakers
I am probably the last person who should be giving any advice on handling stress, so this is not advice - just comments.
Part of my solution is spending time here where there is no commitment.
I tend to internalize stress, something I only come to realize over the past few years.
I don't stress too much over subs because I can control that to some degree, by dumping bad ones and communicating clearly. Every now and then one will lay a surprise for you though, LOL. That is just part of the business.
weather - something I can't do anything about so I learned to keep options open, to have work for interior on bad days.
Money - try to keep draws scheduled to be paid in advance to reduce that stress.
the one that really gets me though is customers wanting to make changes or additions in the job after it has started. Especially when they do it expecting the same schedule. Most of my work here has been time sensitive on summer homes where they want it done during winter when they are gone, to be finished to use for the next season.
And I am psychologically structured to be a people pleaser. So I work extra hours and fret at night over things like that.
A couple years ago, I had a heart problem. They ended up fixing it with a procedure - it was electrical.
But first they thought maybe anxiety related - so there was some counseling and drugs. They didn't help the thumper at all, but did help me get another perspective on things. I am far less type A now.
Within six months after the heart procedure fixed the ticker, I came down with Lymne's disease. That left me with fibromyalgia. Any little bit of stress is now readable on my pain meter, so it has become something I am very aware of. Pain avoidance is a major motivator for people, whether we are aware of it or not.
So I took a good look at what I enjoy about this career and what I don't, and took measures to control my life and my stress/pain level by changing to reduce the things that cause me stress - I think.
Of course, since customers were a major source of stress, money concern is now a grater source of stress, LOL
Kidding there to some degree. I am more selective in what I do and who I do it for.
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I struggled with a heart arrythmia a few years back that just about wrecked me. Went to specialists and nobody could tell me what to do about it. Tried some heart drugs that made things worse. In the last couple of years, it's just gone away.I don't mean to pry, but I am curious about your experiences.
Mine was called a tachycardia. Ventricular I think.
There were times it would jump up to over 200BPM and that left blood pooling in the heart chamber just behind or under the valve. the heart muscle was wiggling more than pumping, so I would feel faint. Did pass clean out once. Had my helper drive me home a couple times.It is something that had happened to me on an occasional basis going back to high school and excessive athletic attempts such as really pouring myself into a two mile race. Or a hard day's work after a week or two of all-out and poor sleep/nutrition.But for a couple years there it was getting more and more often, and harder to get under control with breathing exercises ( more on that below, since it connects to this topic) So an elctrocardiologist fitted me with a mini-EKG to wear around on me for a week or so, until I had had a couple "events" recorded for him to study. said my case was classic, both in history, symptoms, and recordings.So the procedure to fix it was a radio-frequency ablation.
He first mapped my cardio electrical activity to identify the spot where I had a mis-fire going on - like a spare plug wire coming off your distributor. Then threaded a catheter in through the groin and used it to 'burn' a path in the muscle in front of that spark. The way he explained it was that the scar tissue from the burn would create a barrier that the spark would not be able to jump over.. I'm sure it is more complex than that, but that was how he shed light on it for me.Anyways, no problem since the day I woke up from that. I have had a few times where I felt the little lurch in my chest I used to get immediately preceding the rapid heartbeat, but it never upset the rhythm tho.Interestingly, My paternal grandmother has been on drugs for tachycardia for 30-40 years now. Successfully, I guess, she turns 100 in January.and my younger brother just had the exact same procedure I did in May.
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
I've had atrial fibrillation sometimes with tachycardia since my twenties. A few years back I started getting PVC's. My ventricles would contract too soon and the next beat would have a bigger load of blood. I'd feel a big bump in my chest and sometimes cough. I had spells where I had a few of these a minute. I got used to the thumps but sometimes and hour of work would wear me out like it was 12 hrs. Went to doctors and specialists and they could tell me what was happening but didn't offer any real solutions. They tried some different drugs but it didn't help.Finally after a few years, it tapered off. Now there are days I feel a little punked for no reason, but no PVC's. The real irony is when I had the most problems I was in good shape and exercised. No I'm out of shape and no problems-go figure.The breathing exercise is fascinating. I'll have to try it.Thanks
Oh yeah, breathing excercises.There are a lot of different kinds, but what has worked well for me over the years, is to lie down on my back and breathe slow and normal at first, then start counting.If I am counting to four as I breath in, I do the same as I breathe out.. IOW, 1234 as I breathe in
1234 as I breathe out
next breathe
12345 in
12345 Out
then
123456 in
123456 out
1234567in
1234567outalong about here I slow down some more on the pace of change. Might do the seven count for a few times, then move to an eight count.Sometimes, by time I get to 12, I am asleep. Sometimes I am simply relaxed and refreshed. I've got up to about 15. When I was younger, I could get my heart rate below 30BPM with this exercise regularly. Somebody was checking it once, and she shook me up, because she was afraid something was wrong with me as she was only getting a pulse rate of 18-20.
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
Your customers do not want to hire a guy who's "all stressed out"
They want someone who is calm, relaxed, creative, self-assured, etc,
Jim Beam, on the rocks
I took a series of exercise classes offered by the American Heart Association about twenty years ago and discovered that aerobic exercise is a great stress reliever. I recommend those classes highly. Find them in your area on this web site.
http://www.americanheartassociation.com/presenter.jhtml?identifier=1200000
Since then I've settled on cycling as my main workout. Even ten minutes on a stationary bike can be a big help.
I've also eliminated caffein from my diet. That's been made possible by cycling in the morning, before work, instead of drinking coffee. A more pleasant way to get the mind and body moving. Lasts longer too.
Edited 11/13/2008 6:32 pm by Hudson Valley Carpenter