So, the home bank account was overdrawn again, and I left a mesage on DH’s A.M. if he could put some money in from his business account. I had just thrown $1,000 in four days earlier.
He comes home, says, I put some money in the bank. “I went over to the bank and the teller told me one amount of money, but my secretary went over later, and there was more money in the account, so I put some in (into the personal account).”
“Just the way he said, “one amount, another amount”, I said – so your secretary knows how much money is in your account and I can’t! He said it was a business account. End of discussion.
So guys, does YOUR wife know how much is in your business account. I’m just a little pissed right now.
I drive an old car, only have one pair of dress shoes, don’t buy jewellery. O.K. we do have a few horses, they belong to my daughters, but other than that, I don’t spend money. He spends more on his frickin’ garden than I do on the horses. Who went on a holiday this year? Not me! So it’s not as though I was going to rush out and spend the wad.
I know you guys stick together, so is it none of my business how much he has in the account? I need a guy perspective on this.
Replies
My wife doesn't know what's in our business account, what contracts I am working on, who owes me or vice versa, etc. My job is to produce net profit continuously and in return I am not obliged to help her with her job either.
>>>>>My wife doesn't know what's in our business account, what contracts I am working on, who owes me or vice versa, etc. My job is to produce net profit continuously and in return I am not obliged to help her with her job either.Well said. OTOH, I have never written a check on our personal account, nor do I have a clue how much is in it.View Image
My job is to produce net profit continuously and in return I am not obliged to help her with her job either.
Yeah, wouldn't that be nice.
this is one tricky area,most the answers so far are"it's none of her bussiness"
well i've worked for myself for all of our 25 years of marraige,with the last 12 we worked together.[thats a challange all to itself]
when it was just my deal,if she wanted to know how much i had ,theres the checkbook,now maybe i show a balance of 25.00 or 125k. my balance really doesn't mean anything,maybe i just sold 15 cars at the auction that day,it sure didn't mean we go out and buy a new escalade that day.just means i sold inventory that now has to be replaced.next week same time i might be overdrawn.
to tell you the truth you could tell more about how much money there was to spend when things were real slow.
i don't see anything wrong with you knowing whats in the bank as long as you understand why that balance is there and what it needs to be spent on.
i do know of women that the husband has a bussiness and they couldn't give you more than one sentence what that bussiness is.thats sad
when one spouse is self employed,it's a tight rope to walk,you need to be interested,and informed,but can't have your nose to deep,thats why they are self emplyed,they don't want to answer to a boss.
theres a lot of different ways to handle this,but you 2 have to come up with what works for you.larryif a man speaks in the forest,and there's not a woman to hear him,is he still wrong?
i don't see anything wrong with you knowing whats in the bank as long as you understand why that balance is there and what it needs to be spent on.
I guess what irked me was that his secretary knows, and yet I'm not supposed to!! He keeps things close to the chest, I've never brought it up before, and I'll probably just shut up and not say anything.
Don't get me wrong, he's a real nice guy. I'm just p*ssed.
Of course his secretary knows.How else can she know what they can afford for their next vacation together ?;o)
Click here for access to the Woodshed Tavern
Nah, she has five kids under 10 and a farmer husband.
He just doesn't what me to know what he spends on the garden. I just want to know how you can put 10K worth of plants into a garden.
10k in plants in the garden?????????? they better be the kind of plants that make my checkbook bigger.if a man speaks in the forest,and there's not a woman to hear him,is he still wrong?
Yeah, and that's just the last couple of years. One year he put 20K into it. That's how I can say he spends more on the garden than we do on the horses!
Could've bought a nice little horse trailer for that.
Honey, if your house ain't on the regional garden tour...well, he's planting elsewhere.
30K!?
Doesn't mean a woman, could be poker...or worse. You have a right to know. If he's taking care of a relative you dislike, well then. Still time to talk. Do it now.
Nah, I've snuck a peek at the charge cards statements. That's how I added up how much is going in
I can't sneak 30k past my wife and I'm really good at it!
I tried to educate my wife about checking, charge, all accounts. Yawn. She has her own business and I do all the accounting. She has a method that drives me nuts but it works for her. (Envelope for medical, another for food, another for estimated tax, etc.)
I use the phone to check the banks and they tell me the date a check was cashed, ammount, ck number, etc. I reconcile everything and write the actual date next to each check when it was payed by the banks.
Finally, I don't have my wife on my business account for legal purposes. Same setup with her. I have written up step by step instructions for her to take if I die or am incapable of writing a check. Then I have given her a signed blank check on every account I have. She is to call the bank, reconcile the balance, then go to the bank and make out the blank signed check for one dollar less than the balance. She can clean out the accounts and come home with cash (which she prefers anyway).
This actually happened in 2000 and she could pay whatever bill was the most important. I spent 2 months in the hospital. She was there every day after work. The people's house I was remodeling had handed me the key and left for Italy. I couldn't return to the job for months but I didn't owe them money for work not yet done. We agreed that it would be best for another contractor to take over. I was going to try to supervise my sons during the finish but my eyes were probably rolling around and the homeowners asked out of the contract. Tough for a small contractor but my wife took care of everything and we didn't become homeless because bills were paid, others restructured, no truck payments, aand financial planning paid off. I trusted her and sure am glad I did. Tyr
So, what can you do differently to get a different result? Rehashing past resentments will get you nowhere. Nor will a sitdown, lets-express-our-feelings conversation. Again, what can YOU do differently? YOU--not him. He's happy with the deal he's got.Just an idea here: pick one thing that you would like to buy. Something akin to his annual spending on the garden--averaged across years. Tell him what you want. Don't justify it (does he justify his hobbies?) Then say, I'd like US to plan how to buy it and when. Then shut up and listen very carefully."We can't afford it" is not an acceptable response. What this should lead to is you and him sitting down routinely and planning your purchases. All your purchases. His garden; your horses--or whatever. Still don't understand why he's charge-carding his hobby and you're not. Or are you?Second idea: do something totally out of character for you, that will get his attention and put him on notice that things are changing. This doesn't sound like your style, but here it is: go charge something on the order of his average garden spending. Let him figure out how to pay for it.Third idea: tell him you need to see a marriage counselor together.Fourth idea: remind yourself of why you have found the current arrangement so worthwhile all these years and then do everything you can not to blow it. Is holding onto resentment rather than making joint decisions a personal style of yours that you'd like to continue with?Fifth idea: Get a big piece of paper and brainstorm all possible solutions. Rules: #1 is you have to define the "problem". I don't think you have. #2 is only after you define the problem, you write down every possible solution. No editing for how bad the ideas are. Then you unlock your brain and move past your gridlock.Good luck. You have LOTS of options here.
This doesn't sound like your style, but here it is: go charge something on the order of his average garden spending. Let him figure out how to pay for it.
Man I dont know if I would do that. Most husbands really dont like revenge politics in their marriage, especially if her hubby is a little low on the self-awareness scale. ( and it sounds like he might be) That kind of thing could really backfire cause he won't "get it" and no matter how she explains it it will just look like bare hostility.
She might pose the above scenario to him as in "How would you feel if I did this?" But as for actually doing it ? I don't think I would..........just my .02Naive but refreshing !
(rolling eyes here) It is VERY VERY easy to put 10K into a garden. Er, not that I have, mind you, just that it can easily be done. I do it every year when the gardening mags come out. sigh Then reality sets in.You wouldn't happen to have acreage, would you? A decent pond, a really cool patio or the lot next door could be 10K, hmmmm not to mention some unusual trees say 2-3 caliper size plus some 5 gallons non run-of-the-mill shrubs & perennials. Oh yessssss, I could easily spend 10K.
The skunks come out around 9pm. Mothernote to self: Skunks don't listen to Mother...where the heck is the hydrogen peroxide?
Maybe his thinking is that his secretary knows for the same reason a business partner knows: she's part of the day-to-day operations and has a need to know. You don't. Why do you need to know?You want to know, so you can assess whether you're getting a fair shake: no vacation, no jewelry/extra shoes, less play money than he has (for the garden), etc. You're not getting treated fairly. If you felt you were, you wouldn't care whether his secretary knows more than you do. So, why not deal with the fair sharing of personal discretionary income?At home, we have this arrangement: Every year we go over net income, expenses and try to project for next year. (Mostly we assume it'll be the same, and monitor it during the year.) We each have a personal checking account for fun money (his garden, your trips with the girls to Vegas or wherever). We fund those accts as $ comes in. No questions asked. You just sit down and decide what constitutes personal fun money. Then he pays for the garden out of HIS fun acct. BTW, why are you having to "sneak around" and look at charge card statements? Maybe you need to be managing the household bill paying. Then you wouldn't need to worry about what's in the business acct. And if he shifts his garden expenses to the business--well, he can explain that later to the IRS.
I'm not a marriage counselor, and I think I'm stepping into where Angels fear to tread...........................but you have a bigger problem than an overdrawn account. You have trust issues.
Communication in a marriage is paramount!
But having said that, it doesn't mean you need to have a running account of how much money is in his business account at any given time. Business account funds can seem quite high at times, but that doesn't mean squat unless you know your accounts payable, and your accounts receivable.
Apparently you think he is hiding things from you. And why does he go on vacation while you stay home? Is it the horses? You can let a garden go a week, but you can't neglect horses for even one day.
I have friends with horses, and they are a huge money pit and time commitment. If both spouses aren't on the same page with that then there will be trouble.
In short, you have problems that are run too deep to give a simple answer.
And they're not about how much money is in the bank.
John Svenson, builder, remodeler, NE Ohio
In short, you have problems that are run too deep to give a simple answer.
Plus, I wouldn't ask us for marriage advice if I was her..........=) Naive but refreshing !
"Plus, I wouldn't ask us for marriage advice if I was her..........=)"How true!John Svenson, builder, remodeler, NE Ohio
BTW in 29 years of marriage she has never asked me what my account balance is. We discuss and figure out as we go what money we need and plan our strategy around that.
She teaches now, but for the first 14 years of our marriage I was the sole provider, so during that time it was critical that we worked together to plan our finances.
And we always take vacations together.
John Svenson, builder, remodeler, NE Ohio
You know what, I've never asked for a running total. Just, can we afford such and such. If he had just come home and said 'I threw some money into the account' I wouldn't even have thought anything of it.
If it were me, I might have said - I thought there was only a coupla grand, but there was 4K, so I put some money in. I know he has office expenses. It was just the fact that he deliberately didn't tell me what was in the account.
It could be worse. 2 years ago my BIL had a heart attack. My sister had only $100 dollars in her pocket to feed their 3 kids for a week. (they were out of town too). She couldnt get to any money if she tried because she didnt even know the bank the account was at. No debit card or checkbook because BIL does it all. He pays ALL bills. He doesnt own a business either.She does not work because she homeschools the kids. She is excellent with money and has a degree in accounting too. At least you know which bank to call.I had a situation were my (ex) secretary knew my account better than me. After she stole $18000 while we were working in Florida, NO ONE but Ladyfire and I have that priveledge anymore.Where there's a will, there are 500 relatives
I have a business account that can sometimes have 50 k in it or 5 k in it. loking at the balance tells noting of how much I actually have in the account that is free and clear. Much of my account is what you would refer to as working capital. money spent on payroll, materials, etc. I also keep a reserve in the account in case I lose money on a job or don't get paid for some reason. Ultimately knowing the balance is meaningless without knowing all of the assets and depts the company has. I cut myself a salary that is the same amount every 2 weeks. over the years my wife (who does the domestic bills) will tell me we are not covering our budget. then I figure out at that point how much more I can pay myself and bump it up if I can. I ocasionally make a personal draw to supplement say a vacation or something but that is not part of the family budget. This way, if I make a profit on a job it stays in the account because there is more often than not the occasion where I lose money on a job and that money on the profit kitty will ensure I can meet my salary pay. it's complicated but I think if you want to really know the ins and outs of the finances and are willing to try and understand it in its detail then you have a right to ask. my wife never asks. she did my books for a few months but lost interest. she knows how to boot up the computer and look if she really wanted to know.
"it aint the work I mind,
It's the feeling of falling further behind."
Bozini Latini
http://www.ingrainedwoodworking.com
Just noticed I posted this in Breaktime Fests!!
ETA : thanks to whoever moved it
Edited 10/11/2008 11:09 pm ET by martagon
We do one pot, it is wrong by most advice. Mine is Business and home, hers is where I deposit when she runs low. Same $$. same pot.
Spheramid Enterprises Architectural Woodworks
Repairs, Remodeling, Restorations
They kill Prophets, for Profits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj_oEx4-Mc4
Oh Boy.
Im not real good on advice since Im on my last wife . Ive had her for 17 yrs though.
First two didnt work . I didnt work with the first two , what ever.
First one was HOT. I thought that was cool.
Seccond one was my best friend . Seemed cool again.
This one I picked . I said enough is enough. Im picking what I need and then Ill see if Im what she needs . Then Ill just move on till I find it . I found it . Shes a business manager . I dont have a clue whats in the personal account . She took over the business account . If I ask she tells me and if theres not enough she quickly tells me . We had an agreement when we got married . She makes all the little decisions that Im too busy to make and I make all the big decisions is the way she put it . So far we are doing great I guess because there has been no major decisions.
Tim
Always had everything in one pot. No large business to run though.
In 1987, after dropping 50K in one day in the market, told DW she should do it all, she could not do any worse.
She was pretty happly when the current brokerage statement came today, only down 5k, but did not include this last week >:(
I'd like to petition the sysop to create a "Classic Posts" folder.
and then put this one in it.
Thanks Tim
yet another great laugh.
Oh Boy.
Im not real good on advice since Im on my last wife . Ive had her for 17 yrs though.
First two didnt work . I didnt work with the first two , what ever.
First one was HOT. I thought that was cool.
Seccond one was my best friend . Seemed cool again.
This one I picked . I said enough is enough. Im picking what I need and then Ill see if Im what she needs . Then Ill just move on till I find it . I found it . Shes a business manager . I dont have a clue whats in the personal account . She took over the business account . If I ask she tells me and if theres not enough she quickly tells me . We had an agreement when we got married . She makes all the little decisions that Im too busy to make and I make all the big decisions is the way she put it . So far we are doing great I guess because there has been no major decisions.
Tim
carpenter in transition
No, my wife does not know how much is in our business account. By "our", I mean my business partner (a male) and I. We've been a company for just over four years and I think, as time goes by, I tell my wife less and less about the company. I'm not trying to hide anything from her, but we both have enough to worry about with our home and children and other responsibilities.
We have been fortunate that things have never been extremely tight as a company. Don't get me wrong, there have been some slow times, but not "I hope we can pull out of this" times.
I think it's important to give your spouse some space because it's important that I get that space. I'm not trying to keep her in the dark so she can't keep tabs on me, but I think enough about work while I'm working (and also when I'm not) that I don't want to be taking the time to talk to her about it and have her worrying.
HOWEVER, from the advice of many here, when we set up our company I think we did it right. We are a corporation with two equal shareholders. We take a salary just like any other employee would. It is not an option to miss our pay day just as it's not an option to miss our employees pay day. We have separate bank accounts and NEVER intermingle the funds. I've never really had it any other way, but I'm very glad our company is set up how it is.
Jon Blakemore
RappahannockINC.com Fredericksburg, VA
"So guys, does YOUR wife know how much is in your business account."
Nope.
Not her business ... literally ... so not her business.
btw ... I don't know how much money is in her account. And my name's on it!
she's not to touch the business account. There's one simple reason ...
it may have $15K in it one day ... and I may be planning on spending $14,999 on materials at 4:59 pm that day.
what if she looks and see's a balance of $15K ... and thinks ...
Gee, we need groceries ... so I'll go spend "just" $300 on the way home from work.
the money in my business account usually isn't mine either ...so it's certainly not hers.
Jeff
Buck Construction
Artistry In Carpentry
Pittsburgh Pa
"it may have $15K in it one day ... and I may be planning on spending $14,999 on materials at 4:59 pm that day.what if she looks and see's a balance of $15K ... and thinks ...Gee, we need groceries ... so I'll go spend "just" $300 on the way home from work.the money in my business account usually isn't mine either ...so it's certainly not hers. "Had that happen in my first marriage, and in the first couple months of this one. I learned about the consequences in the first one, so applied the lesson quick this time. Works out fine.Now if I can just harness her credit card - I've had some reduction in income and some customers are slower paying this year. A few eeks ago, I told her, no more spending on anything that is not life and death, until I get caught up.
The next day, she spent $84 on a grand daughter's birthday gift.I have to redefine life and death for her, LOL
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
I For women, I think a Grand Daughter's birthday *IS* a life and death thing.(-:
Grandchildren grow more quickly than children.
piffin,
Very similar to a rather heated discussion in my household last night.
Trying to get some...clarity into what I was saying.
Kid home from (first year) college for her 18th. Party, whole famdamily (Chinese food:$165) Weezer concert ( tickets bought for both daughters without my knowledge: $I'm told I don't want to know.) Sunday Breakfast ( the girls just love that Denny's take out: $40, I made eggs at home for myself, trying to make a point).Oh and new coat, on sale!:$100,
So, I'm good through April and very concerned after that.
I told my wife 'Assume I have no income RIGHT NOW! No Lattes, no fast food, etc. etc. ' I am a sucker for my kids though.
best,
skipj
Actually I think she has every right to know what's in the account - with an explanation of what is owing and owed etc. It makes no difference that she is not part of the business because she is part of the relationship that owns the business.
If she is interested, and willing to understand what the various amounts imply, then she is certainly entitled to the information. It just comes with the territory of being married. I doubt very much that she is not capable of understanding that whatever cash is in the account is not theirs to withdraw freely.
I guess I don't think in terms of "rights". If I did, I'd say, "Sure; she has a right to know." I'm a more pragmatic person. I'm suggesting she might want to find a way to feel less put-upon about this. That she might address what's more of an equity issue in the family: who gets more fun/discretionary money. And/or that she might enlarge her areas of "rights" within the family's takehome income by paying the bills herself and, therefore, not having to "sneak around" to view HIS credit card statements and find out what he's blowing $ on.She has more info. than we do. I don't know if HIS garden grows food crops that help feed the family. Or if he grows rare orchids that live, die, and eat up $$.I don't know why she doesn't go out and buy herself some new shoes or jewelry. Don't know if he considers the horses her hobby as well as the children's. Don't know if the horses need a trailer to go places in. On the outside it looks like a pretty sweet deal that she'd do well not to mess up. He sounds like a real traditional male-breadwinner who prides himself on taking care of the family and on his wife not having to go out into the workplace. But that arrangement comes with a price. Price for everything. Work out your best deal and then don't blow it. Renegotiate it when the shoe starts to pinch--if you can.
and on his wife not having to go out into the workplace. I wish I were a SAHM, but I'm not. I expect to be working until the kids are out of university, or I turn 65, which should both happen the same year!
Jon: do you think your wife would worry more or less if she knew what was in the account. If I know things are tight, I pull back on spending. If things are a little better, yes, I might spend some of it. I know we're heading into a recession, it would be nice to know how we stand.
MtnBoy, my DH only "does flowers". I asked for some help with my garden this year, and he said he "doesn't do vegetables". Yeah, I get upset when I see expensive plants drying up in a pot because they're not planted yet. The Sept 17 charge card has $1,134 of flower purchases on it!
So when I want to buy a new gate (maybe $150.00 )for the horse paddock because the old one weight 200 lbs and drags on the ground and we can't get it open in the winter and he says there's not enough money for it, yeah, I'm upset.
My girls would like to buy a trailer, but that would mean a truck, and we can't afford both, so I tell them we just can't do it. You don't HAVE to go to a horse show, ride them at home. They'd like to have an indoor arena, but that ain't happening either.
But, we have no rent/mortgage expense, (my family farm) no heating expense (outdoor wood furnace wood supplied by my brother) no car payments (one is 14yrs old, the other 7 yers old) and I work. So I'm tired of feeling poor when we're not.
I wouldn't spend the money if it weren't there. And I wasn't asking how much was in the account -- it was the implication that I wasn't entitled to know. I've never come out and said "how much money is in your work account right now?" He's always saying there's $30,000 outstanding on accounts, but it should come in soon. For 10 years, there's been $30,000 outstanding!
I think I need a long walk off a short pier. Thank goodness there's no lake here.
Wow! I knew there was a lot we don't know. So, DH is living rent free on your family's farm and you hold down a job. I still don't know who makes what proportion of the income, but now I'm wondering how come YOU are asking him for permission, as it were, to buy stuff.Sounds like he has the sweet deal and I'm wondering why.Here's my guess: don't know how you let things get to this, but knowing so well how our male egos work, he's probably either got the old male ego puffed up (i.e., feeling defensive that he's not the rich money bag provider). Or he doesn't want his situation challenged--who wants to give up having control of their fun money? I'd be changing that if I were you. But handle the male ego with kid gloves. The guys at the shop know he's living off the little lady's family, so to speak. I assume you want to preserve the relationship.
Edited 10/12/2008 9:46 am ET by MtnBoy
"Jon: do you think your wife would worry more or less if she knew what was in the account. If I know things are tight, I pull back on spending. If things are a little better, yes, I might spend some of it. I know we're heading into a recession, it would be nice to know how we stand."I think she might worry, but she also trusts that I know what I'm doing. I don't want to sound like I have it all figured out, but I do take seriously my responsibility to ensure that the financial needs of both my company (that I'm a partner in) and my household are met.We are very open with our personal finances. I do the analysis and budget projections and she does the data entry into Quicken. We both have access to all joint accounts (and all are joint except for those who cannot be for tax reasons) and know where we stand financially.If I thought we were heading into a recession, we would reign in our personal spending regardless of how the company is doing. There's a time to be risky and there's a time to pull back.
Jon Blakemore RappahannockINC.com Fredericksburg, VA
WOW.....................................
I read the first 30 posts and then had to go be grown up and earn my paycheck.
Then I came back and read posts 30-40.
I had a feeling when I left there was much more to it.
It's been some time since I owned my own business. My wife and I had issues as well. She wasn't very understanding or supportive.
we're looking pretty hard at divorce now...........and money is a big part of it.
My wife never knew what was in my business account. Never. It wasn't her money. It belonged to the business.
On the other hand? We talked every week about what I had billed, what I thought would be coming and and what I thought I would be able to pay myself.
She was never in the dark. She had a number we could plan on having available. But the day to day balance? That never had anything to do with what was available to pay myself.
But you guys? you've got a bunch of issues. First off, he's in business, you have no rent or Mortgage and he still can't come up with a decent amount to buy a new truck or help with the famile finances?
That's called a hobby. It's what you do to relax from the JOB you have that pays the bills. Maybe someone needs to explain that
But he CAN come up with enough to go on vacation without you and plant $10K worth of flowers.
Well, that probably requires a marriage counselor to sort out.
Just to re-iterate, I have never before asked for the daily balance on the account. And I probably would have thought nothing of it if he'd just said -- I transferred some money. It was the implication that his secretary was entitled to know what was in the account, and I'm not.
And yeah, I kinda wonder where the money goes.
"It was the implication that his secretary was entitled to know what was in the account, and I'm not."
As several have mentioned, if she WORKS for the business, it would seem to be reasonable that she should know. If you aren't involved in the day to day operations, then it's up to your and your DH to work out.
Was it really something that your DH implied, or was it something that you read into his statement that maybe he didn't mean at all?
Like I said earlier - You need to work on it from a marriage standpoint and try to improve your commnications. Otherwise you'll just keep resenting he and his business and never resolve anything.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. [Abba Eban]
"And yeah, I kinda wonder where the money goes. "
that's a whole different discussion.
one that I think is your real question here.
also one I'd not take part in.
and one that's definitely not a subject for the business folder.
Jeff Buck Construction
Artistry In Carpentry
Pittsburgh Pa
When an old baking tycoon from Texas bit the dirt his wife found out there was an extra few million in a personal slush fund that he never told her about. It was funny to hear the stories she'd tell about that miserable sob and how she was going to have fun spending it any damm way she wants. *chuckle*
If my spouse had a business would I want to know where everything is going? Yes and no. Yes I would want to know enough to be at ease that nothing fishing is going on.
Now, no carpenter or builder has ever don't anything fishy......naw, not them! *chuckle* "Honey who's this sub named Anklebe Hind Ears Inc.?"
Beer was created so carpenters wouldn't rule the world.
I've had different businesses for many years. Dated a woman for 25 years and we got married 2 years ago. She never knew what was in my accounts and was not involved with the business. She's always had her own jobs and her own funds.
This year, we sold two properties and I told her to go set up accounts for the money, which meant that she was listed as a signatory on them. She started writing checks. It was the first time ever that anyone but me had that ability. Within a week, I felt uncomfortable because I had lost touch with the balances, had to go back to talk to her. I didn't like that and it will have to be worked out. She has also become an officer in the corporations, for several reasons.
That being said, I believe that as husband and wife, you need to honestly share financial information. Either one of you could be hit by a truck tomorrow. Even if you are not involved in the business, you should have some idea of what is going on in case something happens. That doesn't mean you should be taking money from those accounts or putting money into them.
If his business goes down, can that affect any of your family assets? You have a right to know that. If you are signing tax returns with numbers from his business, you have a right to know where they come from.
All that being said, it sounds like there are some other issues here too, like "control". You need to work those out. Good luck.
Don K.
EJG Homes Renovations - New Construction - Rentals
Anklebe Hind Ears Inc
and why does this account only have one's in it?
and why does this account only have one's in it?
*chuckle*
Beer was created so carpenters wouldn't rule the world.
<<<<"And yeah, I kinda wonder where the money goes. "that's a whole different discussion.one that I think is your real question here.also one I'd not take part in.and one that's definitely not a subject for the business folder.>>>>>I don't know why not?
That is really about the only time DW asks. or she wants to know why I can have a new tool and she don't get a new sofa...have to splain again how the tool makes money and the couch doesn't....how may hourly fee was X dollars before investing ten grand in tools and it is 2X now....
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I agree . I think Im seeing a male balls thing with this .
I used to think it was MY BUSINESS and not theirs . Thats not true .
I nearly died and that brought up questions. I was kidding in the other post but IM serious in this one . The spouse owns half and is by law an equal partner. Nuff said .
Tim
I would say that its your business as to whats in there, as long as you take it for what it's worth......
My wife and I have lived by the same system for quite a while. That is, I deposit a set amount every month into our joint account, which she uses to pay all household expenses ,ie; mortgage, electric, phone, etc. She also deposits her pay from part-time job in this acct.
She doesn't know, per se, how much the bus balance is, but not because I'm not willing to tell her, but because, as the previous posts have said, I might have a 20k balance with 10k to be paid out.... So the balance is irrelevant. We DO talk on a regular basis tho, as to how certain jobs are going, how much is due, and how profitable jobs are turning out.... The reason I keep her in the loop as to all this is simple. If something were to happen to me, she knows what the scope of work is on any given job, a ballpark of what's complete, and what I'm owed on the job. I don't want her to be in a position where she's lost sorting through paperwork trying to figure out where she stands as to what I'm responsible for/ due to be paid on a job if I'm not here to tell her.
So...open the lines of communication, but don't do it in an acusatory way if you can help it, just so you can be a little better informed as to your ( yours and his ) financial ground...
Just remember, a big balance is almost never as good as it seems :)
Bing
I have no idea day to day of what's in various accounts.. I could care less. She keeps the books and periodically we discuss things as we need to. I plan stratagy and was the major provider she pays bills and worries about day to day..
It's tough when she incurs a late fee or something because she didn't pay attention but I accept the fact that no-one is perfect and flaws are simply something that need to be overlooked.
If they bother you that deeply you have too much invested in that person.. (not talking about money) Every human on earth has flaws (well, I can walk on water.... but only during the winter when it's frozen <grin>)!
Anyway you need to find a way to seperate yourselves in order to eliminate built up resentment.. No I don't mean divorce..
You need to find a way to engage in activites you enjoy that way you focus on those rather than what your spouse is doing or failing to do..
Finally My wife and I take seperate vacations.. I don't like to do what she does and she would feel guilty doing both what she likes and going on vacation with me..
We've done the joint vacations, family vacations, and instead of relaxation they become stress filled..
So we now go on vacation when each of us wants to That way my couple of weeks added to her couple of weeks and that's about a month apart which is good.. A nice change and reminds me of her good side and allows me to get rid of any negative feelings that may have built up.. It apprently does the same thing for her..
If there is a trust issue you have more serious problems than bank balance.. Find a time when the two of you are willing to communicate and lay out your fears..
But for good honest answers you have to be vulnerable to establish that vulnerability is allowed..
If you're afraid that you may not be as attractive or sexy, and worry about his fidelity you have to be honest and not beat around the bush.. I know my wife as a very low self esteme problem so I have been honest with her and open and frank.. I tell her that I didn't marry her for her looks but rather because of the person she is.. I admit that my looks haren't what she married 31 years ago either but I do remember that I wasn't the most handsome man on the planet then either.. So clearly she found something else in me to marry..
My wife keeps all the books, personal and business (I'm an architect as well as sometime builder).
We had horses for a long time too. I found ways to spend money that I didn't think existed.
Doug
90% of what I think . . . go read Jeff Bucks post again
And think then of the produce profit line
that's the other 10%. If the biz isn't doing that, then its broke. Who's fixing that?
I always had a deal with my wife. I'll have X for a paycheck. Every time. That goes into the home account. You don't have call to question anything about how I bid, conduct, or pay for a job until I stop holding up my end and sending that paycheck.
Worked.
Real trucks dont have sparkplugs
martagon
I am in charge of income, working, estimating and billing.
My wife is in charge of outgo. Depositing the money, paying bills and managing the accounts.
I usually don't know what's in the business, rental or personal accounts.
It's on the computer i can look at anytime.
I grieve for you because you and your spouse have set up a marriage of his stuff and her stuff. And it's obvious that there are trust problems.
I don't think you are being treated fairly. I also don't think you are treating him fairly. Your role is to respect him and support him. His role is to love you and provide for you even if he has to go without. You should both be more concerned for the other's needs than for your own.
That being said where do you go from here?
Somebody has to break the cycle of distrust and reach out in love. I would start by reading this book and getting this guy's materials. He is fair to husband and wife and hard on both.
http://www.loveandrespect.com/
Rich
I didn't read through the whole threar, but this sounds all too familiar to me.
I left my Wife of 20 years a roughly a year ago. Trust and money were two of our big hot button issues. We had a LOT of discussions and arguements sorta like the one you brought up in the first post.
I just want to echo a couple of others who say that this needs to be worked out as a marriage issue. Otherwise it could build up and become a serious long term resentment.
Otherwise:
i have at least 6 business accounts.. no my wife does not have access to them and no she doesn't know the balances... that money i don't consider "mine" it belongs to the business on each account... it is not a cookie jar to go to... it has zero to do with our personal account... so far i have never robbed peter to pay paul... everything stands on it's own... if it can't it needs to do better or belong to someone else...
i know some guys share everything with their wife... my wife is my best friend... and we share alot... BUT i'm the buck stops here guy... there is very little reason for me to share things with her that would only give her something to worry about... when there is zero she can do to fix it.... very rare i share bad news or problems... i will share the good stuff and the great deals...
my job is to make her life better... period...
p
Edited 10/12/2008 8:17 pm ET by ponytl
My wife is 20% owner of the corporation and has full access.
but is also well informed that she is NOT to touch it without my knowledge and proper procedures, A business account is NOT for personal expenses or feeding horses or vacations. Thinking that way can destroy a business and leave you destitute.
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Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime.
where ...
Excellence is its own reward!
My husband and I had a business together for 11 years. Never during that time did we keep anything from each other. I had control of the finances and he had control over production. He knew how to check the balances in both personal and business accounts. It worked well for us. Now, I have control over the finances, but when he asks what we can spend, or how much is in the account, I tell him and we make a decision together.
Now say, it was his business, and my name was nowhere on it. I could care less if his secretary knew about the amount of deposits and I didn't. As long as he was providing adequately for the family. That's not to say that you don't have a right to know. Because you do!
A marriage is a partnership in itself. If something happens to him, how will you be able to handle the expenses of running the family? As your partner, he should be concerned about that issue and see to it that you could step in and maintain the business, (if he has no partner) while he's sick or whatever. But in like terms, he should be able to run the household if something were to happen to you.
I agree with others here that state there is more going on on a much deeper level. Control issues are one of them. Resentment seems to be building.
Seems like maybe he is controlling the business because he can't control your family farm. Could be that both of you are feeling left out and are finding things to have control over.
Of course, I could be wrong. I don't know you or him. Just going from what I've read here.
One question also, are the girls yours and his? That kinda floored me that a dad wouldn't up for the needs of his daughters over his own wants.
My husband and I made a pact before we married on two issues...
1.) We would never go to bed mad or upset over any issue and we have had some late night discussions. :)
2.) There would never be a choice between him and the kids. They are kids and need providing for. We as parents would see together that those needs are met without spoiling.
After 12 years together, we still stick to those two things. As for us, our marriage is still a wonderful partnership.
Wishing you only the best and a speedy resolution.
Few years ago i got a phone call from , Macys saying i was past due.
I told the gal i dont have a Macys account what would i buy there???.
Turns out i do have a Macys account and it was past due for cute outfits and matching "pumps".;]
Honey, don't worry your pretty little head about it (GDR).
Seriously, what is in the personal account is your business. What is in the business account isn't, unless you are filing jointly and reporting it as a schedule C; in which case you are signing tax forms that you agree with the income/expense statements. In that case, you have every right to know the little day to day details because your behind can go on the line if taxes get screwed up.
In my house the discussion is quite different, I'm a little pissed when my wife doesn't know exactly what we have, where its going, whats coming in etc.
She has just as much access as I do to any business information, and decisions on how much to spend on anything is a family decision. I am hoping she will catch my mistakes and vice versa, two heads are better than one.
My wife thinks that most relationships are like yours where money is a private issue. I could not imagine being any other way than to have everything be a joint decision. What if something happens to one of you? How will the other know how to take care of the finances?
I wonder if it's because we were "older" I was 37, he was 42 when we got married, so we were both set in our ways. But the kids and horses and business came after we were married.
If anything happened to him -- well, I guess I would have to ask his secretary where the money is ....