Anyone have any good job site stories? Crazy, funny, and anything out of the ordinary. I Hired a 85 year old guy and he sets tgi’s by himself.(story to follow)
LMC
Anyone have any good job site stories? Crazy, funny, and anything out of the ordinary. I Hired a 85 year old guy and he sets tgi’s by himself.(story to follow)
LMC
The most common way to make your own parging mix is to use either Type S mortar for block or Type N for brick and add a concrete bonding additive.
"I have learned so much thanks to the searchable articles on the FHB website. I can confidently say that I expect to be a life-long subscriber." - M.K.
Get home building tips, offers, and expert advice in your inbox
Fine Homebuilding
Get home building tips, offers, and expert advice in your inbox
© 2024 Active Interest Media. All rights reserved.
Fine Homebuilding receives a commission for items purchased through links on this site, including Amazon Associates and other affiliate advertising programs.
Get home building tips, offers, and expert advice in your inbox
Become a member and get instant access to thousands of videos, how-tos, tool reviews, and design features.
Start Your Free TrialStart your subscription today and save up to 70%
SubscribeGet complete site access to expert advice, how-to videos, Code Check, and more, plus the print magazine.
Already a member? Log in
Replies
You aint gonna find any funny stories around these parts mister...
were all serious construction perfessionells here.
...
...
...
...
(stories to follow)
Mr. T.
There's a steering-wheel in me pants and it's driving me nuts!!!
Yea what's he think we are?
Ugha Chaka! Ugha Chaka! Ugha, Ugha, Ugha, Chaka!
I don't think we really ought to go there, eh?.We might be better off not knowing.
Only one that jumps to mind this minute was a couple of days ago I'm wrapping up a kitchen job and putting in the g/d. Existing trap was in my hand a looked a little dirty so I flipped on the tap and ran some water through it to clean it out. DOH! (I usually wrap some blue tape around facuet handle if the drain isn't set -- have to start doing that again!).
A quicky that pops to mind is from years ago.
Finishin' up on a whole house renovation....knockin' out the punchlist.
Its a beautiful spring day....bout 68 degrees or so.
Sit down for a lunch break....holler up the stairs for the new kid who had been giving the master bath a final once over with mop and sponge.
He comes down, literally dripping with sweat. He's removed his sweatshirt and his T-shirt is visibly sweat soaked.
Ask him what the hell he's doing up there? Why he's sweating so bad? He says "nuthin'....just cleanin' up. Why is the heat up so high?" Says its like a sauna in the bathroom.
Ran up to take a peak.
Numb nuts had the heat lamp on the whole time.
Remodeling Contractor with no ties to the Glass City
I was starting out on my own back in the 80's .People wanted to add on a room.There was an old porch there ,kind of a mess .I was going to tear it down.I took out all the walls leaving 2 outside corner post .Thinking I will just knock out those corners and the roof will come down.I knocked the out and the roof still stood ,it was a gable and it came out about 10' .I thought I will push up on it and loosen it.No luck .
Next thought ,I will climb on it and just bounce it enough to loosen it ,one bounce and it fell like a rock.As I lay there wondering if I was still alive.I got up and walked away feeling very stupid.Live and learn
Edited 2/28/2006 12:27 am ET by prosecho
I can beat that...
I sent our laborer to the lumber yard, keep in mind he's worked for us over a year at this point, and asked him to pick some 1x something or another.
I recieve a phone call, and ignore it because I'm in a meeting, no voice mail, meeting ends I call him back.
"Where are you?"
his responce: I had to go to the lumber yard, the 1x at HD is only 3/4"
When I was 17 I worked for a carpenter and helped remodel a home one summer. We lived in a small town. We had a four man crew.The boss man was a nice guy but he had a tough time with one of his employees. The employee argued and talked back but would then keep his mouth shut and work hard for the next 3-4 hours or so and thus was able to keep his job.This went on for several months. One morning the obnoxious worker did't show up for work. We went ahead and got started and worked for 2-3 hours and the boss told me to get in the pickup as we were going to the lumberyard to pick up materials.We arrived at the lumberyard and there was guy who didn't show up for work. He had started working that morning at the lumberyard and didn't bother to tell my boss he had quit.The guy helped us get our materials, helped us load the truck, and we went on about our business. Just kind of an awkward situation..^^^^^^"and that's all I've got to say about that"
This is a true story. A guy named Ralph was working on a bridge build south of the town I live in. It was a fairly big iron bridge for this area - A big iron bridge that crossed a fair sized creek.Ralph heard from some of his workmates that there was a really hot farm girl at a house just down the road. One day when he was headed into town to pick up lumber he decided to try to get a look at the girl. So he stops at the farmhouse and asks for some water. The "hot" girl is the one who answers the door when he knocks. He gets the water he's after, and is quite taken with the girl. Ralph and the girl end up getting married a couple of years later. And that's how my Grandparents met - When Ralph stopped to ask for some water for his team of horses back in 1909. (?).About 10 years ago they replaced that bridge. Before they did, we figured it would be neat to get a family picture there. So we went out during a family reunion and blocked off the road and got a group shot.There were roughly 60 of us there - All offspring of those people who met on a hot summer afternoon about a hundred years ago.
I know milk does a body good, but dang, how much did you drink?
Great story Boss!
Remodeling Contractor with no ties to the Glass City
Great story Boss. I guess it was a truss bridge?...that's not a mistake, it's rustic
"I guess it was a truss bridge?"
I don't know the technical name for this type. From each side, it has big iron beams sloping up at about a 45° angle. Then it flattens off at abut 16' up.
I poked around and found a couple of examples of roughly what it looks like:
View Image
View Image
My friend is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
I would say it's either a Fink Truss or a Warren Truss bridge.
Warren or Fink, but definitely a truss. Its in your blood....that's not a mistake, it's rustic
I have one from years ago, it was my first constrution job, working for a general as a framer, it being my first job I was not to sure about the toenailed 2X10 scafolding my boss had put up and was walking rather gingerly across it when he decided to reassure me by saying, Don't worry about that scaffold, its strong as a rock, and to prove it he jumped up and down on his scaffold(of the same design) and on the third bounce fell through to the ground with a resounding thud! He had enough wits about him as he lay there to say,
"it's fine just don't jump up and down on it"):>)
Thats a good story
That one is a keeper
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
Nice story indeed!
reminds me of a story about my grandfather, wonderful man, god rest his soul.
i remember at his funeral several people said they had never heard him say anything bad about or to anybody, but my dad turned around and said well there was this one time when we were driving in the car......
but nothing to be sad about, him being gone now and all, he had a long and happy life. and he died in his sleep, just the way i want to go, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....
LOL.
Those are the guys that never let the "henweighs" and the "grecian earns" get old.
Just gotta make sure they're not on the clock when you send them for the "wood stretchers".
Remodeling Contractor with no ties to the Glass City
Heck, send'em after a "shoreline" or a "skyhook" in the truck....
Skyhook I've heard....not familiar with "shoreline".
Remodeling Contractor with no ties to the Glass City
You ALWAYS tie off the "skyhook" to the "shoreline."
When we would break-in newbies on a big topo job, we'd send'em back to the truck for the "hook," and when they came back and told us they couldn't find it, we'd send'em back to get the "shoreline" as it was always connected. Told'em to watch out for the "jackalopes" during the "rut" as they may jump out and gore your ankles.
Gawd, we was mean...
Hey, got a chemistry question:
What's the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?"
Schroll down.
"You can't hear an enzyme..."
badumbum
LOL!
Remodeling Contractor with no ties to the Glass City
We would always send new laborers on excavating jobs back to the truck for a can of "E-Z Dig, and don't get the aerosol one, bring the big quart can. It should be under all that junk in the back of the truck. And when you put that junk back in, straighten it out." That would get the truck cleaned out and the kids away from a crabby operator.
I was new ,working for my father in law installing big drain pipes, and the project super asks me if Joe uses "duck butter" WTF? I dunno I reply. He says "well I'll get some" I didnt know Duckbutter is a brand name of a grease used on slip fit gasketed PVC.
In the Army we had plenty of newbie jokes. I fell for a couple but one guy had me beat. He was a new private from basic. We were M1 tankers and my platoon sergeant grabbed him one slow afternoon, handing him a three pound ballpeen and piece of chalk,"Tap over the tank's armor and circle the hollow spots!" Well after three or four hours he dutifully had drawn several hundred circles all over the tank! Guess he didn't realise the tank had to be hollow to be able to get into it?
Or maybe he had found a way to kill 3 or 4 hours ?;o)
Geekbox hero who once visited the glass city.
We once had three Privates looking for Chem Lite batteries for about three hours.
We once told had a private on a two hour hunt for IR Fluid. That was funny until he ran into the 1SG and told him the PSG told him he wasn't released for the day until he found a quart of IR Fluid. That didn't go over well.
My favorite is when the Mechanics show up on the gun line with the STE-ICE and you tell the loader to " Hop in and unscrew the turret for them" you Know " Elevate the gun tube and traverse Left until it unscrews".
....not familiar with "shoreline".I love that one--Say bub--" we gotta lash down this Whatever--go up to the truck and grab me bout 50foota shoreing "Line"Usually followed by "What?"You know--Shoreline--I need bout 50foot---And let the clock start---Oh the fun we're havin' now--Mike"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while" Mitremike c. 1990" I reject your reality and substitute my own"
Adam Savage---Mythbusters
This may be an oldie, but have you ever asked a newbie for a "hammerfour"?
Ok, I'll go along, . . .
What's a hammerfour?
Don't ask me.....I use pnuematics.
Remodeling Contractor with no ties to the Glass City
say it out loud . . .
C'mon -- I get it. I was trying to play straight man to the joke.
color me stupid :)
Wait ta go Phil--takin' one for the team--Now I want to hear the answer---Come'on spill---Whats a "hammerfour"---Oh yeah---fashion statement---Mike"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while" Mitremike c. 1990" I reject your reality and substitute my own"
Adam Savage---Mythbusters
Why are jobsite farts soo funny?
-LMC
Cause you are forcing other people to smell your butt, and there is nothing they can do about it!I hope Chuck Norris never potato sacks me!!!!
bstcrpntr --- I hope to grow into this name.
Do you smell gas?Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, I get waylaid by jackassery?
http://grantlogan.net/
So what's the PC thing to say when someone farts on a jobsite ???Among the things I've heard are:"Speak to me O toothless wonder""Thank you for sharing that with us"
DW says if charm were measured in methane, I'd be a dairy farm.
sounds like yer butt is telling ya you need to make room fer lunch...Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming<!----><!----><!---->
WOW!!! What a Ride!<!----><!---->
Forget the primal scream, just ROAR!!!
Who stepped on the frog?
The barking spiderrs are back.
"When asked if you can do something, tell'em "Why certainly I can", then get busy and find a way to do it." T. Roosevelt
"It's just pressure"
"I appologize in advance" Used for "silent but deadly's" before the odor fills the room.If you have any poo, fling it now.
I have told people before
You're breath is the same, but your voice sure has changed!I hope Chuck Norris never potato sacks me!!!!
bstcrpntr --- I hope to grow into this name.
"You're breath is the same, but your voice sure has changed"
I like that one - Gonna have to use that one on my Sons.
I think I've told this one before here on BT. But I've told so many stories so many times that I can't really remember. So what the heck.
DW and both my Sons were in the car going somewhere, and both boys cut loose with a rather loud one. And they both had a good laugh over it.
DW was NOT amused. She launches into a long tirade about how rude it is to pass gas. (She doesn't use the word "fart") They should be more considerate, be like her, not do that kind of stuff in front of other people, have more respect, not do it so loudly, and on and on and on........
When she finally stops talking my youngest Son says:
"The reason women fart less than men is that they never stop talking long enough to build up any pressure".
It's men like you that make women lesbians
I worked for a kitchen and bath contractor a few years back. We were doing a rather large kitchen in a lakefront home on the south shore of L.I. The HO(She) was one for the books. Porta poty for us outside, coffee breaks in garage. Do not go in house except to work. A real nasty person. One rainy day "Billy" comes in house with muddy shoes. She goes absolutely nuts, throwing things, screaming, and tears Billy and us a new one, and leaves the house. This was the last straw for Billy. They never got along from day one anyway. Boss man sends him to basement for some plumbing work and Billy is down there way to long. When he come up he explained what he was doing. He unfolded all her panties that were sitting on folding table in laundry room and procedes to dust the crotches of about 20 pair with ROCKWOOL, and then fold them back up. I still laugh my butt off when I think of this story.
"had to go to the lumber yard, the 1x at HD is only 3/4"No problem, we'll just run it threw the board stretcher a time or two
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
Aint funny or crazy, but was on one of the very few construction projects I actually was paid for, and ended up being a good story.
Teenager, early 60's, worked as lifeguard and everything else, up on a camp shelter roof installing cedar shingles, Saturday afternoon, camp starts Sunday, counselors come in Sat night.
See a car park 300 yards away in the lot, a couple gets out, already can tell from that distance the babe getting out was one hottie, hoped she was a new counselor!
The couple walks up and the guy asks 'Vo ist Edna's cabin' and we directed him.
Found out a year and a half later that guy was my father in law.
PART I
Got a call from a woman who had a leaky dishwasher. She wasn't going to be home, so she set the key under the mat for me. When I arrived at her house, I knocked on the front door just to make sure nobody was home.
"Knock knock knock!"
"Who is it?" Came the reply from inside
"It's me, Andy, the handyman. I'm here for your dishwasher."
"Just a minute!"
I heard feet shuffling around inside, but after a few minutes, she still did not come to the door, so I decided to knock again.
"Who is it?" came the reply again!
"I's ME, Andy!"
"Just aminute!"
I heard her shuffeling around more inside, but after standing outside the door for 5 minutes, she still did not let me in. I knocked AGAIN.
"Knock knock knock knock. Hello? Are you ok?"
"Who is it?"
"I'm still out here! It's ME, Andy, your handyman!"
"Just aminute!"
More shuffeling, but still nothing. I was getting pissed. I'd been standing outside her front door for almost 10 minutes. Did she really need to ask me who I was each time? I decided to take matters into my own hands, and let myself in with the key under the mat.
"I'm coming in!" I announced and cracked the door open. "Hello? Are you there?"
"Who is it?" came the reply from up above. I looked up to see a large green parrot on a perch near the door. A dog scurried in from the kitchen to greet me. I couldn't believe it! I felt like a total ####. This friggin parrot sounded EXACTLY like the lady! I still smile whenever I think about that damn bird.
--Andy
"
I went by a warehouse type buyilding that was going to be getting converted to a minimall to cheek on a leak in the roof. The owner had told me how to let myself in.as I walked thru the dimmly lit space, I glanced over to a back corner where a sofa had it's back to me maybe 30' away. There was the head of a hot looking brunette with a suggestive smile looking right at me. It didn't take much imagination to know that some guy was on his knees onthe other side of that furniture doing something to cause that smile.Took me a minute or two to realize that I was looking at a manikin. I hate the way those things always flirt with me...;)
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
>>>>to cheek on a leak in the roof.But wouldn't the leak just start all over again, the instant you stood up ?
Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. ~~ Eric Hoffer
this is a story about one of the best human beings ive ever
had the pleasure to work with for a matter of commom
decienty ill call him ( ponyboy). He is a country boy from
the coal feilds of Va. We worked on the repair gang at
the cement plant, at the end of an exhausting day we
were cleaning up getting ready to head home,my job that
day was rebuilding a coalmill i was covered in oil,grease&finly
ground coal dust was washing up in the sink so I could take a
shower without getting everyone else dirty,when I went to
take my work clothes off.Well theshowers were full and
I was taking my time when 'ponyboy' snuck' up behind me hepopped me with a wet towel i turned around and with two
of the blackest grimimest hands you ever saw slapped him
on each side of his butt, as he had his back to me.
when he went into the shower the other fellers started
laughing asking him what he had gotten into. well he started
telling them about what kind of day he had not relizing
he had my handprints upon his backside the more they laughed
the more he cut up
he thought he was the king comedian
after he foud out what they laughing at he come after me,he said
ive been two tours of veitnam got 14 brother and sisters & i have never
been that em-bare-azzed.hehe durn good guy that fellers is.......D.W.
Best story ever.... especially if the parrot wrote your check?
I was doing a whole house remodel, and the plumber was working on the upstairs master bath. I had cut open the joist bay from the shower wall to the other side of the bathroom so he could get his pipes through to the new sauna tub. He was doing great, had all the rough in done in a couple of hours.
while he was up stairs i was working on the kitchen and i heard somebody cussing and yelling for help, I ran upstairs to find he stepped back as he was cleaning and had fallin through the joist bay up to his shoulders, cut his forearm pretty bad but mostly just bruised pride and ego. Says hes going to call it a day will return tommorow to rough in the kitchen.
calls next morning and asks if it would be ok if he goes to fix an old ladys pipe that had broken, should be by about 10:00 to work on the kitchen, I had plenty to do so no problem.
Shows up about 3:30 wet, muddy, red eyed tattered and torn, asked what the hell happened to him. Said he crawled under this ladys house to look at the broken pipe and got his coveralls all bunched up underneath a beam and couldnt get loose, the old lady could not here him yelling as she was pretty def, was stuck for 21/2 hours before he pretty much chewed himself free. after i picked myself up off the ground i told him to go home go to bed and never ever leave the house again!
Great story, one that reminds me of two - on the same job ...Before the days of cordless drill/drivers, I was inside a utility closet drilling a hole for mounting a slide or something. As I backed the bit out, the cord hung on something and the drill jumped out of my hands with the bit still turning. I caught it again, but with the bit close to my throat, pointing up. Immediately i had pretty intense pain, and a sensation of something wet running down my chest. I just knew I had drilled a hole in my throat and was bleeding to death. I managed to hole the drill to my chest with onme hand and unplug it with the other and run to the nearest bathroom to look in the mirror.that bit and chuck had twisted up the top hem of my T-shirt and the hair on my chest/neck into a knot as big as a goose egg. The pain was from pulling hair and the wet trickle I felt was no more than nervous sweat.
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
The other story from the same job - The HO wife was always there underfoot as we finished out her kitchen remo. She was the kind who would babble on forever without realy saying anything. Nice lady with cookies at breaktime, but lonely, I guess.One day we were hanging false beams in the cathedral cieling from stepladders while she excercised her lips. We had got to where we didn't hardly notice here there and ignored 90% of what she said, tqalking over her when we needed to. The story of the day was about how she loved horses and had just got a couple and blah blah blah, till at some point she threw in the statement, enthusiasticly spoken, that she had alweays wanted a big black stud. Somehow, that one statement reverberated around the room and stood out - probably because she was suddenly silent, realizing what it sounded like. My helper and I were trying valiantly to keep from giggling or cracking a smile, but the inner giggles were making it hard to keep our ballance and hold that beamin place.She munbled some words about how she didn't mean what she had said and ran out of the room, leaving us in silence for the rest of the day.
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
PART II
The parrot lady called me back for some trim work. It seems that bird liked to chew away her painted millwork. We don't arrange for the key this time, she will be home. So I knock on the front door, and hear the familiar "Who is it?"
This time I am all the wiser concerning this wiley bird, but I reply "It's me, Andy, the handyman."
"Just a minute."
So the lady comes to the door and lets me in. She looks pretty shaken up and very upset.
"Leonard's dead."
I had never met her husband, but she was in her mid sixties, and I assumed they had been together for a long time. Suddenly I felt very uncomfortable.
"I'm so sorry." I said. "Listen, I can come back another time if you want. You need your time."
"No," she said "You're already here and it sounds silly, but having my house repaired is one less stressful thing for me to worry about."
"Of course," I say and set about fixing her millwork. After it is all repaired and looking good I ask her "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Do you do burials?"
Holy smokes! Are you kidding me? I can't believe she is asking me to do this. Doesn't a church or cemetary or somebody else usually do that? But I look at her and she is in pretty bad shape. For some reason she wants ME to bury him.
"Of course," I say. "What did you have in mind? Do you want to drive to the gravesite?"
"No, actually I want him buried in my garden, so new flowers will grow." She leads me to her backyard to a well maintained garden. "What do you think about here?" she askes pointing to the ground.
I can't believe I came over to fix her trim now I am about to dig a grave. Is this even legal? Well it is her beloved husband and she deserves to have him buried wherever she wants.. "Well...." I am dumbfounded. "So, um, er... How big do you think I should make this hole?"
"We'll not that big. Hmm. Hold on, I'll be right back." She returns with a small shoebox size coffin. "He's pretty small." All at once it hits me. It is that damned parrot, not her husband! Freakin' Leanord got me one last time on his way out!
I dug a small grave, and she placed the box into the ground. I filled it back up with dirt, and mounded it, grave style. She placed a small boquet of flowers on the grave, and teared up. "I just loved him," she said. I told her the story of how I waited outside, while the bird asked me "Who is it? Just a minute!" and she thought that was the funniest thing in the world.
"So how much will that be?" She askes as I am heading out. "Oh. No charge. Here at AAA Handyman services, burials are always free."
And that is what being a contractor is all about!
--Andy
Needed to move a water heater up to the second floor one time. Sent my helper (his first and last day) out to the truck to get the "dolly". 15 minutes later he comes back and hands me a $1 bill and said "Sorry it took so long. I only had a five and I had to go down the street to the store to get change".
Birth, school, work, death.....................
http://grantlogan.net/
An office situation having to do with a plumbing contractor.
Worked for this architectural firm a few years ago. A plumber on one of our projects had called and asked one of my co-workers to size a pipe for him. The co-worker had to leave, but told me if the guy calls to tell him it should be a 1/2" diameter.
The plumber calls. I say, "Yeah, Paul told me you'd call. He said the pipe needs to be 1/2"."
Stunned silence. Then a thick southern-Ohio drawl. "How the @$#&* do you expect to get a turd down a 1/2" pipe?"
He needed the toilet drain pipe size. My friend thought it was a supply pipe.
but the riddle still haunts me to this day . . . . . .
ROAR--SNORT--CHUCKLE--excuse me I need to wipe my eyes.THAT is HYSTERICAL-----Mike"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while" Mitremike c. 1990" I reject your reality and substitute my own"
Adam Savage---Mythbusters
Back in the 70's I was remodeling an old farm house. The people wanted to add a room in the back of the house which necessitated removing an old 8X8 breezway built on stilts. It was a hot summer day and I spent about 8 hours sweating like crazy trying to dismantle the darn thing. Well I gave up for the day and cracked open a beer..........actually several. A neighbor came over and we started talking and he joined me in imbibing several more beers. After a while he asked me what I was doing and I explained I was trying to dismantle this breezeway. He asked if I really wanted it down..........I said yes. Well he walked back home and came back and said he'd have it dismantled in about 15 minutes. I stood there and about 3 minutes later a wrecker backs down through the back yard. The driver gets out and ties a cable around the breezway and proceeds to pull it off the house and drags it across the back yard. The neighbor says "see I told you I'd have it down in 15 minutes!!!" I just stood there and watched the whole scenario unfold.............Turns out the neighbor owned a service station WITH a wrecker.
A buddy told me this story and I apologize in advance if anyone gets offended…
<!----><!----><!---->My buddy works for a regional builder of subdivisions. Once day he and his boss are working in a basement of one of the homes when they developed a slight water problem. They got the water stopped but had a mess to clean up. The boss radios down to the trailer and tells them to send over a wet vac. 10 minutes go by and nothing, he calls again asking for the wet vac, nothing. Again another call, but this time a guy radios back that he is getting one and will be there ASAP. 5 / 10 minutes go by and still no wet vac. Boss gets all pived and radios again as to what was taking so long. Guy replies that he is on his way in. Two minutes later the guy shows up down the stairs with one of the “south of the border amigos” following behind and no wet vac. My buddy and his boss look at the guy and asked where was the wet vac. The guy looks and says “OH, Wet Vac, I thought you wanted a Wet Back.”
The electrician was roughing in the electrical with his dog intently watching his every move. The dog ears perked up when he heard his master say "Get me the flat screwdriver". The dog ran down the stairs past me, jumped into the back of the truck, came back up and dropped the screwdriver at his feet. His Master's replay was "This is a Philips not a flat screwdriver."
Not Affended, only thing is Cubans were called wetbacks. Not Mexicans (which are the finest hardworkin people I Know) Maybe I am affended.
-LMC
Barney was an employee of mine years ago. We were working on a lake property a couple hours from our main stomping grounds so we would stay at the lake and work 12 hour days and drink beer afterward. well Barney came to work monday morning and had brought 8 cases of beer but left all of his hand tools at home. STRIKE ONE A while later we were building a deck on a house we told him to drill holes in the ledger board in to the house for lag bolts he grabbed longest bit we had and started drilling, when I got back from the lumber yard he said the bit is bound up won't go any more. I put the drill in reverse and extricate the bit from the wall and realize this bit is 24 inches long and there is bits of fur on the bit. We go inside thinking >>> >>>>>> the worst we locate Barney's hole he had drilled in to a closet and had wound up a fur coat around the drill bit and had ruined the fur coat, after buying a new fur coat and barely breaking even on the project YOUR OUTTA HERE! Now ol' Barney rides his 10 speed to work washing dishes at a local restaurant better fit I think.
The Day Les Died
<!----><!----><!---->
I had a co-worker, Les, give me a hand running wire in a big, sprawling shack for a couple of days. The lady of the house was constantly trying to strike up a conversation. I try to be nice to people but I had work to do. The last day I showed up without Les. All I had to do was tie down everything and clean up. The lady of the house asked “Where’s the other gentleman?”
<!----><!---->
Me being a smart-aleck replied “Oh, he had a heart attack last night and died.”
<!----><!---->
TLOTH said “Oh that’s terrible, the poor man.”
<!----><!---->
I told her “Poor man? The rat stuck me with all the work.” I figured she would leave me alone – she did.
<!----><!---->
I told you that to tell you this… Two months later at 5:30 Les walked into the shop yelling “where’s Lee? I’m going to kill him.”
<!----><!---->
The rest of the crew was already laughing. I wryly asked, “What’s up?”
<!----><!---->
Les said “Why did you tell that woman I died? I had to do a little job at her place this afternoon and she almost died when she came to the door and saw me. She said ‘but… you’re, dead!’ I didn’t have any idea what she was talking about. I was standing there looking stupid while she was nearly hysterical.”
<!----><!---->
The whole crew got to hear the complete story and ribbed Les about it for days.
<!----><!---->Retirement isn’t nearly as much fun as working.
Made me think of an epitaph--"Here lies Les Moore, 4 shots from a .44, no Les, no Moore."
Edited 3/1/2006 11:29 am ET by Danno
"Smoke 'em if you've got em"
By Mr Fix ItMany years ago I got a job in a cabinet shop. We mostly worked in the shop but occasionally we went into residential homes. We cleaned up homes which had had fire damage. They were vacant properties.I worked with a man who was a severe alcoholic. He was a nice guy and a hard worker but the poor guy really struggled in his personal life.Early in the morning the guy would need coffee and cigarettes and some days he didn't have them. At the job site he would walk door-to-door at 8 to 9 AM asking for coffee and a smoke.I wondered if people would call the cops on him but no one ever did. I guess people are typically good to their fellow man. Once he had his coffee and a cig he was ready to go and he got the job done.-^^^^^^"and that's all I've got to say about that"
Boot Hill in Tombstone, AZ.
I've had some pretty good relations with the local inspectors but one "plumbing" inspector will never see me in his town again. I plumbed a rough-in valve for a shower stall and had plugged the "tub" outlet with a cap. The inspector came and told me I had the valve up-side-down. He said the handle should point to the left for Hot and the right for Cold. I said it did that you went by the bottom of the handle where the arrow was not by the top of the handle where there was no arrow. After much argument I went in the access panel and showed him that the BOTTOM of the valve was marked "T-U-B" TUB. He scrunches down and says "That says UP "U-P". I look again and say "NO, it says TUB!" Nope he says you have the valve upside down". We argued for over 1/2 hour. I took the valve apart and showed him how it worked and that I was correct. He approved the job but left saying "I'm going to write to the valve manufacturer about this, they designed it wrong." Talk about pig headed.
God created fool so the rest of us would look smarter.
Edited 2/28/2006 7:46 pm ET by chascomp
On the parrot stories: I did a roof job on Valley Forge Mountain in PA. Upscale home but nicely rustic. The owners had several animals, including an African gray parrot. The parrot cage was in the den which had several larger skylights which we replaced. While the lights were out we could see and hear into the room. I realised that I heard someone's voice which was odd as the owners' were out for the day. Poking my head in I watched in amazement as the parrot would call the dog in the man's voice and then laugh every time the dog (a big chocolate lab) came bouncing in looking for the man who called him. The dog would leave and then the parrot would do it again! They did this for what seemed once an hour. My crew and I laughed everytime we heard the parrot call the dog, that poor dumb dog (i have a yellow lab).
Got a million of'em.
One morning we were slope staking a deep tin-horn culvert for rip-rap on a new road. The road was supered around the curve, and suppossedly still blocked off. Heard sirens, looked up, and saw a '70 Mustang flying thorugh the air and slam into the top of a huge clump of big Live-Oaks. Trees swayed and cracked...Mustang stayed right there. Boy and girl in Mustang started yelling to get them out. About 30' off the ground. Cops damn near ran their cars off the road too. Finally got the FD out with some ladders. Couldn't get a truck down, so they had to pizz-ant the 50' ladders down into the ditch. Got everybody down with just cuts and bruises. Car stayed there for a couple of weeks before the tree collapsed.
Then there was the nekkid sunbathers out at the lake....
greetings all,
great topic!
my dad told me a story about a painter that was painting inside a closet while they were remodeling....he had a plastic curtain up and cut some serious cheese....the lady of the house came by to check the progress of the job and walked into the closet and sniffed the air and asked the painter if it was always going to smell like this?....he replied "only while it's fresh"
gotta love someone that can be truthful.....
coonie
Once had a woman supervisor working for the co. I worked for that nobody really liked as she really didn't know anything. We're roofing the house, and one of the guys told her to go to the lumberyard & pick up a cricket for the chimney. Next time I'm in there, our lumber salesman tells me she came in and went to the desk asking where they keep the roof crickets. When she realized she got hosed, she went back to the jobsite all pissed off. Sensing she was a little irritated, one guy asked her if she at least got the step flashing, to which she replied that we didn't need it yet as we weren't working on the stairs.
Several years ago my partner and I were repairing and painting a barn. The old lady who owned it was a real piece of work. She told us not to let the black lab into the barn or it would kill the cats. I had to go inside and get my ladders so I just opened the door enough to squeeze in and the lab bowls me over grabs a cat and CRUNCH! We could here the bones breaking and the cat was dead. My partner sscratches his head and says "what now?" I saw a pile of old straw in the corner with a pitchfork in it and buried the cat being carful to put everything back as it was. No problem. She also had a beagle that I thought was ok until he backed his #### up to my ladder and crapped on the bottom rung. The woman was just as bad as the dogs. She tried to stiff us on our money and when we finally got a check from her I told my partner to wait a minute. I got out of the truck and opened the barn door, got back in and said "now let's go cash this check before the ink disappears."
We were working on two adjacent properties at the same time. the first one we gutted completely so there was no bath room. when duty called I took a compound bucket upstairs, did my business then snapped the lid on and threw it in the dumpster
later that day I saw the guy from next door climb out of the dumpster with the bucket and a look on his face like he had just struck gold and he went back inside where he worked.
did'nt take long, he was back!
Thank you for that story. I think it's one of the best.^^^^^^
"The Older We Get, The Better We Were"
Thanks, that was worth a bunch of good laughs! Looks like he really did strike gold, huh?JT
On excavating jobs one of the backhoe operators would send new laborers back to the truck for "a can of EZ-Dig. And don't bring me that durned aerosol junk either, I want the stuff ya pour. And don't come back until you find it, I don't care if you have to take everythking out of the truck, just get me the EZ-Dig! And put everything back in the truck nice and neat too!" The kids would clean out the truck and sheepishly return with the news that they couldn't find it. After a good laugh they would figure out that they had been had. Moving shoring and digging bars and five gallon cans of hydro fluid on a hot day was still easier on them than listening to a crabby operator yell at them "get in the hole and move that..." or "Get out of the hole! How can I dig with your dumb a$$ in there?" Operators are a special breed.
I was a kid back during the '50s building boom. I would hang around new constructs trying to learn a few things. One development had a feud between the trades. I watched the sparkies drop marbles down 1/2 copper tube stubs to get even with the plumbers who slid up the jute tube and cut the K&T just before the plasterers sealed up a wall. I sure wouldn't want one of those places.
Back in the '70s a guy kept bugging a painter with questions about his paint. Every night a quart or two would "disappear" from his five gallon bucket. He had a pretty good idea who the filch was. The painter put a quart of motor oil in the paint and mixed it up real good and left for the night. Sure enough some of it was gone in the morning. He kept adding a little paint to that bucket and leaving it out every night.
The next Monday morning the filch was asking him "Have you ever had paint that wouldn't dry?"
"Only stolen paint won't dry! And you can't get it off either! Serves you right!"
The rest of us had a good laugh.