hi all,
i am terrible at remembering peoples names
i hopefully will be changing jobs this summer to one that i will need to start dealing with repeat customers
i think i should start working on a way to improve my name memory
any suggestions
thanks to all whom may respond
Inspired by Larry Haun, this passionate framer is teaching a new generation of builders.
"I have learned so much thanks to the searchable articles on the FHB website. I can confidently say that I expect to be a life-long subscriber." - M.K.
Replies
I have the same problem remembering names.
If I bill them, I do remember them.
Write them down on the initial contact.
Ask them their mailing address. Include spouse's name in the question.
Put the names on the file which holds job info.
If you keep a daybook for hours, write the names (full) down for the job.
A Great Place for Information, Comraderie, and a Sucker Punch.
Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City.
http://www.quittintime.com/
It's not much of a tip, but try to repeat their names out loud. For example, when someone intruduces himself by saying "hi, I'm John", you say "John?". When he confirms that you heard right, you say "hi John, nice to meet you".
It may sound trite, but it really works. Well, for me, anyway.
I was going to suggest the very same thing. I heard someone suggest this technique years ago, and I've used it ever since.
"Preach the Gospel at all times; if necessary, use words." - St. Francis of Assisi
No, I didn't vote for him; but he IS my president. I pray for the his safety, and the safety of his family every day. And I pray that he makes wise decisions.
I've had this problem all my life. Only a few years ago did I find out I had encephalitis (possibly from polio) when I was about 2 years old. That apparently affected my memory, not only of names/faces but of other things like acronyms for obscure computer terms, the date of the French Revolution, etc.
All during elementary and high school I figured I just wasn't working hard enough to remember sith, but finally, 40-50 years later, I came to understand that it's quite literally a disability I have.
About all I've been able to do is take notes -- I try to remember to write down a caller's name as soon as I begin talking to him, and I've gone so far as to make up lists of occasional coworkers with their pictures (which my former company kept on-line). But there's no magic bullet.
Write them down, and any other names that belong to that client. Wife, kids, dogs. etc,etc.
First time you mee them and learn their name, take a moment to spell their name mentally across their forehead (don't use a sharpie, keep it in your head). Use big block letters as you're doing your mental spelling. Works for me most of the time.
Also when you learn their name, take a moment that's clear of what you want to say next and mentally repeat their name while you're looking at them. Maybe do the spelling trick too.
I have to remember names and I am really lousy at it.. I cover myself with a variety of methods but bottom line. I sux at it..
THat's a sign that I'm extremely self involved and I guess I am.. much as I'd like to be better I know it. and try my best to be better.
call every body "Buddy" Hey Buddy how you doing?
I use the nickname Kid.. nobody seems to be offended by that..
"
"call every body "Buddy" I HATE that! Mostly because I'm guilty of it at times myself. The ones that really get to me are "Boss" and "Chief".
Brown
call every body "Buddy" Hey Buddy how you doing?
A saleman at the yard calls me that.
I hate it. I've know him for 10 years, you would think he would know my name by now.
Rich
Think about it -- does he get an opportunity to learn your name? I've noticed that one often gets introduced to someone and then, if the name isn't learned right away, there may be no way to figure out their name in the next 5-10 encounters.
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. -John Kenneth Galbraith
Definitely keep a day book and enter stuff like that into it. Just take 10 minutes during the day to enter stuff. Keep it close by and enter it as soon as you think of it, because if you're anything like me (Mr. ADD), it disappears in a NY minute.
Mine is the old mottled b&w covered Composition book that we all had back in school. I have dozens of them and I label the front for each kind of record. If the job is a particularly long one, it gets its own book, and I keep a running log.
Then before you drive up to the house, just review your notes. My business would be in the toilet if I didn't do that.
My father had a warm way of greeting someone he didn't know. He would smile, shake their hand and talk to them as if he knew them (no names were mentioned.) Then begin a conversation and ask questions to trigger his memory. He was very creative. Once I asked him how he did it - his just shrugged his shoulders.
Edited 4/19/2009 10:33 pm ET by MissD
i think we all have that problem.
Used to work with a guy who was a former bank officer. Said he'd keep an index card file of his customers, and in addition to their names he'd write down any vitals he thought were important. When they'd return he'd ask about their vacation, graduation, wedding, new puppy, etc.. Apparently made a big difference.
I'm another one! I was told once that people who don't remember names don't really care about other people, which I took offense to. I care about other people quite a lot - just dont' care about their names. Can't help it, it's just the way I am.
I can't offer any suggestions beyond what others have already mentioned, namely writing it down. That's what I do and, despite it's being slightly inconvenient at times, it works.
Also, I'm not opposed to saying to someone "Sorry but I'm terrible with names..." and they almost always say their name right away, as just a natural part of the conversation.
~ Ted W ~
Cheap Tools! - MyToolbox.net
Meet me at House & Builder!
" I was told once that people who don't remember names don't really care about other people..."eh - in some cases, I suppose - I sell retail - I have for 50 years - thousands and thousands and thousands of customers - names? very unlikely I'll remember many, except in the circumstance I'll mention in a moment - but I will remember what they want, and what they buy week to week - I guess that might be more important, tho if I could put a name with it too, it would make it better - I have read that one remembers names of people that one considers 'more important' than yourself - I can understand why this might be a problem for this room full of self esteem... and I can see that at work in my own life - it helps only having to remember my MIL's name - there seems to be a lot of truth in that contention tho - university president's wife's name? got it - 'average customer'? unlikely - and I remember that university president and his wife working the room after events, recognizing people, pulling their names seemingly out of thin air - remembering my name! - good discipline for a politician to have - dunno - it's been an issue at least since ancient Rome - "...with the ancient Roman use of a nomenclator, 'a slave who attended his master during canvassing and on similar occasions, for the purpose of telling him the names of those he met in the street'..."http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Farley_File"A farley file is a set of records kept by politicians on people they have met previously.
The term is named for James Aloysius Farley, who was Franklin Delano Roosevelt's campaign manager. Farley, who went on to become the chairman of the Democratic National Committee and a Postmaster General, kept a file on everyone he ever met, and who ever met Roosevelt. Whenever people were scheduled to meet again with Roosevelt, Farley would review their files, allowing Roosevelt to meet them again knowing their spouse, their children's names and ages — anything which had come out of earlier meetings, and any other intelligence Farley added to the file. The effect was powerful and intimate.Such "farley files" are now commonly kept by other politicians and businesspeople.""there's enough for everyone"
hunt
Your name is the most personal thing you own.
When someone gives you their name they are giving you a very important part of themselves.
When ushering at church I used to write people names in a little book.
I usually didn't have to look at it again.
It blows people away when You can remember their name after just one meeting.
Rich
Hunt, it can be a learned skill.
I was not good at remembering names until I made a conscience effort to be better at it. Now, I'm fairly competent but occassionally I slip up.
For me, the most important thing to do is to repeat their names immediately when introduced. Then, I make sure I use their names in the first minute of conversation. If I do that, I'm good to go and I continue using their name as long as the conversation continues. Typically, if I can repeat the name (correctly) three times, I'm gold.
One very important thing for me is to hear it correct. Since I'm hearing challenged, I occasionally have to have some people spell it. I don't get embarrassed asking them to spell it. I simply explain that I've had too much exposure to saws and nailguns and don't hear well and then I get the name spelled and sounded out properly. If its a name that I'm having trouble repeating (usually foreigners), I ask for correction until they agree that I've got it. Most people seem pleased that I care enough to get it right.
On some occasions, I'll write the name down on a paper while I'm talking to them. When I leave, I write notes including all the names of the family that I have met including the dogs/cats.
Sometimes, after about five minutes, I sometimes begin to doubt myself. I then re-ask the person(s) their names and tell them "...sometimes I'm real bad with remembering things and names, is your name blah, blah, blah?" Most people respond affirmatively and say, "I have trouble remembering names too..." In fact, I just went through that scenario with two new neighbors that were moving in. I did in fact remember their names correctly and they pleasantly commended me for having a good memory!
Remember, I was not very good at remembering names until I decided that I was going to be good at it. Then I went after it. I now would give myself a B+ on name rememering.
I am very bad at remembering names- my wife is very good--- helps to go no where socially-without the wife along to tell me who is who.
On the other hand-- I remember everybodies house--and every customers house etc.
Like Blue-- I am a little hard of hearing now as well--last 6 months or so-- when People call on the phone I make a point of politely mentioning ' I 'm sorry-- I am just a little hard of hearing--and I couldn't quite catch your name--could you repeat that for me"- then I usually get them to spell it if it is anything other than smith or brown---people are VERY accomodating this way--especially if you are hard of hearing
formerly- I would say I was a dismal F in name remembering---- now?-- maybe a C- , but--people are accomodating and they DO appreciate that you are making an extra difficult effort to remember their name AND spell it correctly.
BTW--- I think it's a learned skill-and economically it is to your advantage to learn it-- my preferred supplier--- knew me by nam,e and by sight within probably 2-3 purchases
another supplier--constant turnover of staff----one guy knowes my name- the others say"who are You?"---- gues which one gets most of my business?
stephen
Dale Carneige wrote a famous and effective book on the subject.
I think that was Earl Carnegie. Yes, I'm sure that's right.
; > )
Greg
Except that no one can ever remember the name of it.
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. -John Kenneth Galbraith
A friend of mine has a T-shirt that says: "If I remembered your name I'd ask you where I left my car keys".
(-:
I also have trouble remembering names. About a year ago when I was dating a lot it was particularly bad. I was concerned that I would use the wrong name with one of the women I saw or something like that.
So I would write up a "cheat sheet" with her name in big letters across the top. And I'd add notes about things I wanted to talk to her about on a date, things she'd told me about her family, her kid's names, etc. When we were at a restaurant I would quietly set the paper on the seat next to me so I could refer to it occasionally. It worked pretty well.
I also tried to start associating names with something. Like when I started dating a lady named Rita, I remembered her name by thinking of the song "Lovely Rita Meter Maid".
Doing the association thing seems to work best for me. Gives me something to work with, and that seems to jog my memory.
Oh, Ron - you made me laugh out loud ! I haven't thought about my old Grandad and his word-association, name-association game in a long time.
See, my Cousin was dating this girl named Regina - you can just imagine how GrandPa remembered her name . . .
Everything was fine, until he called her Ragina.
Greg
Use a trigger visual and connected words to recall.
Like Ms. Dorothy Snowdon. Ok, you say Dorothy, dorothy,,um...Wizard of Oz!!! Ok, Dorothy.
Now Snowdon...snowed-on , Snowd ON...Ok go it?
Next time you meet her..you walk up and say
Hey !!!! Toto Slushhead!!! How ya been?
Hi What's your name?
i am terrible at remembering peoples names
i hopefully will be changing jobs this summer to one that i will need to start dealing with repeat customers
i think i should start working on a way to improve my name memory
any suggestions
I do my best to work this in during a first meeting no matter how long or short....."By the way they make me carry a picture of myself at all times with my name on it so I won't forget myself, so the next time we meet I'm going to do my absolute best to recall your name because I personally find that very important, but please forgive me in advance if it takes me numerous times to remember."
At that point they're either always understanding and that's who I want to do business with because none of us are perfect but we all have the ability to be kind and understanding....and I do my best to remember their names but if they act like jerks then I find a way to kindly remove them from my list of contacts. I will break my neck for fine, respectful individuals but won't continue giving the time of day to the others.
Pedro the Mule - Plowing full steam ahead making the best friends I can
The Sam Carnegie (;)course was great. My mother bot it for me when I was 16 ($1000 in 1967). Worth every penny.
Their name technique was to associate some outlandish act with the persons name. They quickly demonstrated how you could meet ten people and remember all ten names in class. really cool. But you have to work at it. You cant casually meet people and expect to remember all names. you have to make a concious effort to use memory associations. And like many things, the more you do it, the better you get at it. Tom Carnegie was great at it.
There are many techniques out there for free and for sale. But they all take concentration and work.You get out of life what you put into it......minus taxes.
Marv
a big thanks to all,i will be using many of the methods suggested and see which works best for me.my wife remembers names very well. she said she was very bad about it until she told herself that she was going to be good at it. and now she is. like whats his name said i also think it can be a learned skill.and like the other whats his name said i think it is a very important skill to have when dealing with people.again thanks to all of you, what ever your name may be.,
Make sure to refer to the person by name within several minutes of meeting them.
But then, I have above-average recall ability.