*
RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW
*****Please note, these are all numbered #1 ON PURPOSE!
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse
to answer.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it
down.
1. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with
her.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to; expect an answer
you do not want to hear.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster
trucks.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say
it!
1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
1. Check your oil. Please.
1. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
1. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want
it=one-not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear
Wonder bras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
Girlfriends – like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like
nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. What the hell is a doily?
Got this in an e-mail.
James DuHamel
Replies
*
Thank you James, that was exactly what I needed! Complete belly laughs!
You might enjoy these as well:
http://www.pendulum.org/final_word/gender_specific.htm
*My favorite is #1.
*>My favorite is #1.And I was ready to scroll back to look! Caught myself in mid-click. Good stuff. Amazing how universal this stuff is, even for someone who totally adores his wife.
*Wow, i can relate to the one about short hair! I cut all mine off during the Crawl-Space Period and didn't go out for a l-o-n-g time...unless it just took that long for the plumbing odors to dissipate...?
*Rules Guys should know but keep forgetting: never show something like this to your wife. I'm black and blue after reading to her all the ones I thought were funny (especially #1).
*1) If a woman can wear a wonderbra, then a man can lie about having a Ferarri... both are false advertising.1) Peanut Butter goes with/on almost anything, Mayonaise covers the rest. What the hell is Tofu?1) You say it's Cottage Cheese... I say it's gone like the furry greenchicken. Buh-bye.
*Copied and printed for James. Just 'cause I'm a good wife (and know he'll disagree with almost all - well, except for maybe #1).
*I just i haveto show these to some people, then run..........GeorgeTofu is a being you dont want to know about. It is pretty much your blandest nightmare come true.
*Forget the sa1ads and soup ect just put a burnt dead animal on my plate women and be quick about it....
*Tofu is Soy milk with just enough plaster of paris, (I kid you not), added, to make it 'curd'.
*I always thought tofu was bean curd.Either way, it sounds real nasty...James DuHamel
*Somebody once described tofu as "french fried nothing"
*Thanks, James. Had we known that, well . . .
*I loved that line, "french fried nothing." True, too.I had to be a good wife, now I'm paying, James.My DH has been adding to the list since I gave it to him. We're walking around at the mall, he says, "Does the list say anything about shopping...." We're driving down the road, "Does the list say anything about..." And on it goes. This is bad. This is real bad.
*I loved this list, but I have 3 comments:I like girls with short hairI like foreign moviesColumbus never got where he was goingMaybe this explains why I spend more time gardening than installing drywall.
*Steve, probably the one about short hair is the only one DH disagrees with. No, wait, he loves foreign movies, too. You two should hang together.
*Steve,By your own admission, you are not an American male. Out of respect for taste, I will hold back on the rest of the insults that come to mind.I'll bet you even eat tofu from time to time.Tofu is in the same class as boiled okra and toe jam.BTWThis list forgot to include number one rule, When you are asked an either/or question, the answer is not Yes.
*He said/she said story.Girl and boy are having a relationship of about four months now. One Friday night they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go on to get some food at a local restaurant near their respective houses. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.Her story:Well Ed was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it, but the conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we couldtalk more privately, so we go to this restaurant and he's still a bit funny and I'm trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it's me or something so I ask him and he says no, but you know I'm not really sure, so anyway, in the cab back to his houseI say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me and I don't know what the hell that means because you know he doesn't say it back or anything so when we get back to his I'm wondering if he's going off me and so I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV and so I say I'm going to go to sleep and then after about 10 minutes he joins me and we have sex, but he seemed really distracted and so afterwards I just want to leave and I dunno I just don't know what he thinks anymore, I mean, do you think he's met someone else ???His story:Shit day at work. Great sex later.
*Cynthia,That you?
*FRIED Okra... smothered with Mayonaise, with a side of peanut butter, and Tabasco... oooooohweeee! A whole nuther thang.
*George,Fry the curd turds, hide them under mayo, pile on some onions and salsa and I might choke down an occasional tofu. When my wife serves it at the dinner table, I make sure my Spaniel is sitting nearby - just in case I 'drop' something on the floor.
*
RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW
*****Please note, these are all numbered #1 ON PURPOSE!
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse
to answer.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down.
1. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with
her.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer
you do not want to hear.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster
trucks.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say
it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
1. Check your oil. Please.
1. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want
it=one-not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear
Wonder bras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
Girlfriends - like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. What the hell is a doily?
Got this in an e-mail.
James DuHamel