I’ve heard some good ones that people at least say they do when they get a telemarketer call. Since I’ve gotten a good chuckle out of some of them, I thought it might be an interesting thread that could provide a few chuckles, if not a few strategies!
Some I’ve heard:
Blow coaches whistle into the phone and hang up.
Boating type compressed air horn, same as above.
Say: I’m very interested but can’t talk now. Give me your home number and I’ll call you later.
Yes, s/he’s here, just a second while I get him/here. Then walk away leaving the handset laying until they finally hang up.
Others?
Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a carpenter to build one.
Replies
"I'm pooping right now but you can talk if you want."
Who Dares Wins.
If I am busy I just say "no thanks" and hang up.
If I am not real busy I do the following sequence.
First I politely decline.
Second I rudely decline.
Third... they are fair game for any and all tactics I may have in store.
Edited 6/28/2003 2:16:01 PM ET by Wet Head Warrior
Got a call from a credit card outfit once...friends over for dinner, wife slaving over a hot stove, etc.
Told the woman it was a bad time because DW just got thrown in jail!
Woman says, "Oh dear!"
And then I ask her if her card was good for bail money.
There was a long pause, and then she said, very enthusiastically, "Well, of course it would be!"
And, my favorite:
There's some guy who calls me about every 3 months at 6 AM peddling sawblades. Always comes on like we're best buds.
One morning, I was ready for him. He asks, "What kind of sawzall blades do you use?"
I reply, "the kind you don't have."
"OH really, and what kind is that?"
"The kind you stick up your as s!"
I didn't hear from him for over a year.
Telemarketers have a tough job- especially when they are working for a charity. My pat line is" Do you have an information package to send to me so I can review the information at my leisure? " Invariably they say they include the info with the receipt to which I respond " Our house rule is that we do not donate over the phone BUT please send us a package for our review" I insist that they send me a package before ANY commitmment on my part. Then generally they say they can't comply- and I say " that's too bad- have a good day" If they say OK, I check where they got my name, address etc
Also works for door to door people...
I would like to donate to all the charities but there is a limit and I have my own favorites.... like my kids education.
Try this http://www.donotcall.gov/
I have a friend that very politely tells them no thank you, and of course they don't accept that, so he figures they are fair game now.
The game becomes see how long he can keep them on the phone before they get mad and hang up on him. He talks with a very slow Southern drawl and tells them that they need to repeat everything slower because he listens as slow as he talks. He asks a lot of questions like where are you calling from and how is the weather up there.
Eventually they realize what is going on and accuse him of leading them on. He reminds them that he told them he was not interested when they first called.
ah, the luxury of a complex surname. the worse they butcher it, the more likely it is they'll get "there's no one here by that name, thank y...click" lately they've started switching to a friendly first name approach- but they don't know i don't have any friends.
m
when i just dont hang up on them i will let my nine year old boy take the call now my 4 y.o is getting a handle on it
Darkworks: No Guns No Butter squilla and the bling bling.
I politely say I'm not interested. Then, when the caller keeps going, I politely interupt (there's an oxymoron) with something like..."I'm sorry, I'm not interested. But I appreciate you giving me this opportunity. Please have a wonderful day. Good-bye." And then I hang up. I say all of the above with no sarcasm. I mean it sincerely.
Sometimes the caller might even stop talking and hear what I say. But some of them never stop talking and I have no idea if they know what I said or not. I guess they all hear me hang up.
Indiana has had a do not call list for a year or more, so I haven't had to deal with this in quite awhile.
Another day, another tool.
I've got several.
Easiest is just to slam down the phone, but the stuborn ones call right back. (Once I hung up three times in a row on a woman, the fourth time she opened up with 'Now it's my turn!!' and hung up on me!) You could also just let 'er rip and blow off all the steam you've wanted to fire at every jerk you've had to smile at for the last x-number of weeks, or whatever. Very short-term therapeutic, but the TMs are used to that.
A pretty good and usually very fast way to get them to hang up on you is to ask them if they are naked on their end of the phone, and tell them that you are. This works especially well if the telemarketer is the same sex as you are. Most of the time, anyway....
Another, more time-consuming approach requires a strong stomach and good acting ability. You must sound very sincere and friendly; you must ask the telemarketer lots of questions about him/herself and sound genuinely concerned about their welfare; and finally you ask them for a contribution in return for which you will send them lifetime subscription of The Watchtower. Keep inquiring sincerely about their soul until they hang up on you.
My favourite technique requires a bit of advance preparation and the cooperation of your spouse. As soon as the telemarketer asks for Mr. or Mrs. so-and-so, you say hold on, and then, without covering the phone, you loudly and nastily accuse your wife/husband of cheating on you and claim that you've caught him/her because his/her girlfriend/boyfriend is on the phone. (If the sex of the telemarkerter is 'wrong' for this, accuse your spouse of being gay/lesbian as appropriate.) Your partner must holler back at you, and you both escalate the argument rapidly. Finally either you or your spouse should scream at the other party something along the lines of 'I've had it with you I'm gonna kill you!' to which a terrified, pleading 'Honey, please put down that gun!' response should be made just before you fire a starter's pistol off right next to the phone. Drop the phone on the floor, have someone make appropriate dying noises, and wait a minute or so before hanging up without further comment.
If/When the police call or visit, you of course have no idea what's going on, and the only thing you remember out of the ordinary this evening is that you got a phone call from a telemarketer while you and your spouse were working out some details for a murder mystery you're working on in your spare time. You thought you'd put them on hold and forgotten about them....
Dinosaur
'Y-a-tu de la justice dans ce maudit monde?
My ladyfriend, when she was interrupted, yet again, by one of the phone companies/long distance carriers, stopped them cold with the following: " I'm sorry, I don't have a phone". (this was in fact true, as the phone was my phone!) The jackal on the other end could only sputter and quickly rang off. I can only imagine what he thought as it occured to him what had just taken place, and what his supervisor would say if the call had been monitored!
Brian
LOL I can picture that from a Marilyn Monroe!
I simply wait for my oportunity to get a word in edgewise, and then start my mantra without coma or period or pause -
" I'm sorry but we do not accept calls from telephone solicitors please take me off your call list thank you very much click!.
I just heard the other day aboput how the poor telemarketers were saying that this new list would put people on unemployment and hurt the overall economy. Give me a break!!!!
This list means that the only people they will be calling will be thoise who might possibly want to hear their drivvel. That means they will not waste their time on folks like us.
That's gotta be more efficient and productive, making them more money for the time spent,
Excellence is its own reward!
Edited 6/29/2003 10:23:01 PM ET by piffin
Approximately 10 years ago, give or take a year or three... I got something in the mail from ed mcmahan.
You know the one.. You may already have won a million...
I thought... I had been thinking baout getting a couple magazines anyway, so I should look for them in the list of those in the mail-out.
They were there, and the price was way right, so I ordered them. Thinking of course, that there was no way that I was going to win anything. I was buying magazines, not entering a lottery.
A couple of months later... I had been swamped for a couple weeks with all kinds of telemarketer calls. I was becomeing short with them. I had developed the mantra of just saying over and over again, "I'm not interested".
I get a call from publisher's clearing house... Guy actualy sounds pretty professional. Tells me his full name right away. And that he was calling from publisher's clearing house.
I heard the clearing house name, and immediately assumed they were calling to get me to buy more magazines. I immediately told the guy that i was not interested.
We went through a couple of "yeah, but"'s from him, and my continued mantra.
Finaly, he just gave up, took a second to do something, and said, "let me get this straight... You are not interested, right ?"
I answered, correct, I am not interested. He said thank you and hung up.
The phone call was probably exactly what I thought it was, sales. But to this day, I wonder if I won the million dollars, and the guy was calling to tell me to open the security door on the front of the building, or something....
A good heart embiggins even the smallest person.
Quittin' Time
I try to be cordial, "No Thanks, but thank you for the opportunity." It's a $hitty job and I always hope it is a stop-gap employment for the caller. I even tell the ones from charities, "Thanks for what you are doing, but our donations are already earmarked for other organizations."
Now, my co-worker, he says, "one sec" and then hands the phone to his 2 year old who just loves to chat . . . He takes the phone back once the tone kicks over to that one that comes on when too long off the hook.
The other thing I do is only say hello twice. If I do not hear an answer right after the second hello, I hang up, it is usually a telemarketer. I don't know how their computer systems work, but I figure if it is someone that I need to talk to, they will call back.Steelkilt Lives!
We have been on New York's no call list for about a year, and it work pretty well.
Calls have all but disappeared.
Before that my strategy was to quickly decline and hang up.
These people don't deserve manners, if they did they would not call at dinner time.
My alternate strategy is to make thier job so miserable that no-one would ever want to be a telemarketer.
soon their employers would be unable to get peolpe to work for them and we would all benefit.Mr T
Do not try this at home!
I am an Experienced Professional!
I got on of those "TeleZappers", this one plugs in-line, no transformer or battery required. It beeps everyting you pick up the phone. The beep tells dialing computers your line is disconnected. Many times in the beginning it beeps leaving no one on line, now I get less calls like that. I guess I'm off the "List'.
TeleMarketers are noticed by their delay in answering the phone. Computers dial you, then let the people know you answered, but they may be busy on another call.
After you say HELLO and no one answers, hang up. Friends will call back, not telemarketers
I second that! Got the TeleZapper as a gift (musta been complaining). Calls are down quite a bit after the initial "zapping" period.
Some friends who sign up for many catalogs/contests have been getting so many calls, they screen all calls thru answering machine! Shame to have to live afraid to pick up your own private line.
Brian
My son says that the Publishers Clearing House mailings should all be required (truth in advertising!) to say boldly:
YOU MAY ALREADY BE A LOSER!Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a carpenter to build one.