June 28, 2010

 

Andy Ant

President

United Brotherhood of Carpenter Ants

1000 Wood Street

Katspeedonit, Michigan  48362

 

Dear Brother Ants:

 

It is with great pride and a little sadness that I announce the end of the terrific party hosted by our great benefactor Kowboy and his lovely wife at their home in Lake Orion, Michigan.

 

As usual, pictures speak much more loudly than words:

 (See attachments)

 As you can see, we were able to compromise (2) two by twelve’s and accompanying ½” Oriented Strand Board fillers in the header before today’s annihilation. As usual, it only took the sloppy actions of a few of our members leaving frass on the downstairs walkout bedroom windowsill  to reveal our location. Kowboy did the best he could to pooh-pooh his wife’s ant complaints, but the frass was undeniable.

 

But let’s not be too hard on our hosts, as you remember the great time we had in their Dining Room header in ’08. We lost hundreds of eggs in that one too, but not before we filled the Dining room with frass during demolition. Kowboy is still hearing about that one. I’m sure we can count on their future hospitality.

 

We would be remiss if we didn’t take the time to thank the idiots who failed to properly flash between the siding and the deck ledger board back in ’88 when the house was built, providing just the right amount of leakage for perfect nesting conditions. The siding guys get an atta-boy for the Dining room screw-up too.

 

Props to the moron’s who couldn’t flash widow Walsh’s skylight down the street also. Before annihilation, we compromised a 14’ 2”x12” doubled rafter and from Kowboy’s estimate, it’s not going to be easily or inexpensively repaired.

 

As your President, I remain confident that with widespread substandard building practices combined with man-of-the-house denials, we will continue to wreak havoc on residential structures throughout Michigan and propagate our species.

 

Great job Michigan chapter!

 

Sincerely,

 

Andy Ant

President, United Brotherhood of Carpenter Ants